Last updated on August 9th, 2023
I live in the UK, with my husband. Our daughter is now well and independent. She was a happy, well-adjusted kid until shortly after her tenth birthday, when she spiralled into restricting anorexia. Eleven months in hospital restored her health, but couldn't shift her anorexic mindset. Once she was home, we learned a lot and made fast progress. She had some joyful years, and then another setback in her late teens. And now the joy is back and I think it's here to stay.
I have kept learning, researching, learning more.
The resources I offer go beyond my story and my views. I have gathered contributions from other parents, children in recovery, and from experts in eating disorders and in nonviolent communication.
Eva Musby is my pen name.
Giraffe photo: Ā© Melody Revnak
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Conflict of interest
You need to know that if I tell you I've heard good things about a service provider, it's genuine, not because I have any financial interest.
I am occasionally paid by Geneva hospital's eating disorder service ALINEA for consultancy as they develop a website. I am occasionally paid by various eating disorder services to train staff. These have included Brussels' Hopital Erasme and the NHS Children and Young People Eating Disorder Services in Wales, in Lancaster, and in Yorkshire.
I am not paid by any companies to promote their products.
In 2020-21 I was on the Advisory Board of Equip as they were coming into existence. The only payment I accepted was a fee for each board meeting I attended. I turned down the offer of shares in the company. In June 2021 I left the board as I did not feel I was contributing anything significant and did not want to publicise this apparently excellent company's work while they were paying me.
I get an income from my book, audio products, coaching calls, and workshops, which allows me to work full-time in this field and maintain this website.
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If you are a parent in despair and would like an immediate source of inspiration delivered in a kind and gentle way, I would like to home in on a recommendation that Eva makes in her book – Xavier Amador's Video talks about how to communicate with someone who is suffering from delusions but does not accept that they are ill. The TED talk is a short intro to Dr Amador's LEAP (listen, empathise, agree, partner) communication work – there are also longer videos online and his book entitled "I am not sick! I don't need help!" is a great communication handbook and companion read alongside Eva's book.
Hi Kelly, yes, it is a huge thing to carry on your own. I do hope you quickly find something in this book to help you with the next meal. And I also hope that apart from the book you get the support of some kind soul near you who can relieve you of some of your tasks so you can rest and replenish your energy.
I am running out of energy and ideas at home with my 14 year old daughter. We are involved in FBT bur her resistance is very difficult to break through. This surfaced on Nov.2013, and as my spouse travels most of the week, I am the sole caregiver for both our children. It is a lot to carry, and I really need some ideas. I hope to find some here and look forward to reading more when a moment comes my way.
Thank you!!!
My darling, it sounds like you really want some hope and quite a bit more support? Are you finding it in this book? I really hope so. There is so much you can do for your daughter once you've built yourself up again. There are so many people who can hold your hand online or in local groups. Do check the Around the Table Forum for 24/7 companionship from people who've been there. May I also suggest you point your CAMHS team to this book, if you're finding it useful, and that way they may be able to help you in ways that work for you?
My beautiful girl was making so much progress after coming home from being hospitalised. Sadly these last few weeks she has gone down hill fast and the local chams team have never been much help and still continue to not offer much support. It's scary and frustrating for all of us and I don't think I can bare to watch it happen again
Dee, I want to check I understand you. Are you thinking that this book can help you, whatever your child's age, or are you worried that with a 23-year old, you can't apply what's in here?
What I've read from parents of sufferers in their twenties, it's possible to use similar principles as with teenagers, and I believe there have been trials that validate Family-Based Treatment with adult patients if they have supportive parents or partner. There may be other approaches that also work well, which I haven't researched because they're not a first choice with young children or teens. But either way I believe you can't get away from the tough requirement that sufferers need to eat and gain weight even when it's the last thing they want.
Notice also that my book has emotional /communication tools that apply to anyone of any age. Perhaps something there will help you. I hope so.
Meanwhile, I want to send you warm wishes as I imagine you are having a really tough time right now.
Eva
From what i have read so far, I am sure this book is a great help to parents with children who have anorexia. My daughter is almost 23 and is about to have her first appt with the Dr concerning her underweight……..i am finding it very hard to know what to do due to her age.