Freedom: how to bring back independence

Last updated on November 28th, 2023

The price is flexible: see below

How do you get your child to age-appropriate independence and autonomy?

Up to now your child has made progress because you have made decisions for them, you've given them lots of support and provided supervision.

• How and when can you step back?
• How do you safely hand back decision-making to your child?
• How do you know if it's 'too much, too soon'?
• How much supervision and containment does your child still need?
• Can they safely go on a camp or school trip without you? Are they ready to leave for college or university?

Manage risks and make progress

If you don't experiment and take some risks, you'll forever be managing your child's life. Of course it's not what anyone wants. You're aiming at full recovery for them, and I bet you'd like to get on with your life too.

On the other hand, you're likely to see a severe downturn if:

• you give too much freedom, before they have the capability to manage themselves
• your child's safety net has been irreversibly thrown away

So I'll guide you through a risk management approach, so you get clarity and confidence, as well as the courage and wisdom to bear some of the uncertainties.

Why parents need a lot more help around 'Phase 2'

I am passionate about this workshop because

• Youngsters are getting discharged just because they're weight-recovered. So the treatment is not finished. They often still have many fear-foods and rigid behaviours and rules (see my workshop 'Extinguish fears') . (Sometimes this is because of the pressure of waiting lists, sadly.)
• Youngsters are suddenly thrown into 'Phase 2' of Family-Based Treatment (FBT), with no coaching, no experimentation, no oversight… They're told they can choose their meals. Parents are instructed not to intervene, even when the young person is failing.
• Too many youngsters are given freedoms just when pronounced weight-recovered. Yet this is a time people often feel extra vulnerable, and need more support, not less.

These issues are so common, even though the FBT manual, as well as the training from the Maudsley child and adolescent service, require this phase to be properly managed. I'm not inventing anything new. What I'll do in this workshop is go into the practical how-tos of managing risk, and help you think about how you might guide your child towards freedom.

When to come to this workshop

You're welcome to come 'too early', to get a sense of where the treatment journey will go.

I recommend you start with my 'Essentials' workshops (Part A and Part B) as that's about bringing your child to physical health and weight recovery: there's no recovery without that.

Then when meals become a little easier, come to my workshop 'Extinguish fears: How to bring back flexibility'. You can't give your child loads of freedom if they still agonise over particular foods or if they hang on to behaviours that restrict their life.

When your child is nearing weight-recovery, and most fears have faded, and you're starting to think about giving them a bit more freedom, come to this workshop.

Who is the workshop for?

This is for parents or carers who have a child or teen with an eating disorder, living at home. Relatives are also most welcome.

My tips tend to help parents treat their child/teen for a restrictive eating disorder (e.g. anorexia) using a family-based approach. This is where most of my knowledge sits. Some tips are relevant to bulimia, binge eating disorder and OSFED. May not all be suitable to people with ARFID or ASD (autism).

Can clinicians come?

Clinicians are very welcome. It's great that you are open to learning what parents are sharing, or that you are checking the workshop out to recommend it. Contact me after you've booked, so that when the meeting starts I can check with all the parents if they have any objection.

Parents, if you are at all worried about having a clinician you might know on the session, feel free to check with me.

Is this suitable for parents/partners of an adult with an eating disorder?

It's not my field of expertise, but I do know of adults who have recovered thanks to an adaptation of how we treat teens. Parents/partners who have come to this workshop fed back they were glad they came.

A mix of lecture and interaction

In this 1.5 hour workshop, I will explain principles, give examples of things that have worked for others, and we'll also have time for your questions and comments.

So it will be interactive, and I'll ask you to have your videos on so we can see each other and feel connected and safe.

But if you're Zoom-shy then you do what's the best for you.

Will there be a recording? Handouts?

There will be no recording. I will remind everyone not to record, as I want privacy for parents and for their children.

If you would enjoy audio reminders, there's plenty on this topic in my Bitesize audio collection.

If you'd like written information, I will be sending you a few emails after the workshop (as long as you're signed up to my mailing list.

Also, I cover this topic in depth in Chapter 10 of my book. And there's a brief overview in my free helpsheets (the fourth page).

Can my child attend?

No — and to keep your child safe from hearing something that might 'trigger' them, please use headphones if your child will be in the house. My expertise is on supporting parents, so that they can support their child.

What is your expertise?

I'm glad you ask, as anyone can do anything on the internet.

As this phase of treatment is so often done, in my view, without the necessary steps, I've taken a lot of time to check the manuals, attend webinars and check what I say with professionals I highly respect. Some treatment teams have asked me to train their staff on this topic.

I say more in my general workshop information here.

Don't let money be an obstacle

Finances are tough for some. If my preferred fee is too much of a stretch, you can give yourself a discount. Usually I get my needs met as enough people contribute enough 🙂

For example if you choose to pay 80%, the coupon to use at checkout is workshop80. More details here.

Limitations of the workshop

The workshop aims to expand your toolbox, not to tell you what to do, which could be dangerous. Check everything with your clinicians… if they haven't yet discharged your child from treatment…  More here.

Cancellations and refunds

I know things can be unpredictable. If you can't attend a workshop you booked, contact me, and I'll give you a voucher to get you onto any other workshop at a time of your choosing. More here.

Aftercare

Please sign up to my mailing list as I aim to send you more resources after the workshop, including my slides and an overview of the tools we discussed.