This is the current collection. Whenever I produce more, you have access to everything. The library is highly searchable (have a play around — press Reset to clear a search) and you can also download everything for offline listening. I very much hope that dipping in and out of this collection will speed up your successes and be super-supportive.
This YouTube shows you how to quickly find the audios that will answer your questions
| TITLE | DESCRIPTION | KEYWORDS | hf:tax:bitesizetopic | hf:tax:bitesizekeyword | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Introduction to Bitesize | introduction | ||||
Welcome: what you’ll find in Bitesize | What Bitesize can do for you. How it compares to my book. | introduction | |||
Our story, my experience | Our story, so you know what we have in common. | introduction | |||
Don't believe everything I say | Despite my best efforts to use up-to-date research and experiences, everything in Bitesize may not be right for you. Check! | beginning, evidence, therapist | introduction | beginning evidence therapist | |
Find your way around Bitesize | How to search by keyword or date, to use the playlist, to download | introduction | |||
Please only share Bitesize with family | Eva’s copyright requests | introduction | |||
Which eating disorders will Bitesize help with? | What Bitesize can do for you. How it compares to my book. | anorexia, binge, bulimia | introduction | anorexia binge bulimia | |
How about orthorexia or muscle-building compulsion? | How orthorexia and bigorexia / reverse anorexia benefit from approaches like those for anorexia | beginning, evidence, exercise, reverse anorexia, therapist | introduction | beginning evidence exercise reverse-anorexia therapist | |
Take charge: the start
| How to get started | take-charge-the-start | |||
What's the journey ahead? | What’s treatment going to look like? The tasks and priorities of different phases of the journey ahead. | autonomy, beginning, exercise, FBT, phase 2, psychotherapy | take-charge-the-start | autonomy beginning exercise fbt coach-for-normality psychotherapy | |
Your checklist to get ready for treatment | A checklist to get set up to start treatment, with tips like making arrangements with school and your work | autonomy, beginning, exercise, school | take-charge-the-start | autonomy beginning exercise school | |
On the same page: consistency between parents | Parents need to be united and consistent. Different styles, same limits. How parents divide up the work. | beginning, couple, meal coaching, partner, therapist | take-charge-the-start | beginning couple meal-coaching partner therapist | |
First conversation when you suspect an eating disorder | Your first conversation with your child about having an eating disorder. Phrases to first connect, then to persist with action. | beginning, communication, motivation | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication motivation | |
Should I tell my child I'm taking the lead? | You’re about to step in, make food decisions and support meals. Should you give advance warning? | beginning, communication, empathy, FBT | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication empathy fbt | |
“We’re taking the lead”: set a time to talk | To tell your child about the changes you’re going to make, here’s how you can set up the conversation and deal with the first objections. | beginning, communication, empathy, FBT | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication empathy fbt | |
Principles for a “We’re taking the lead” conversation | You are ready to step in with decisions on food and exercise. Principles to help you prepare a conversation. | beginning, communication, empathy, FBT | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication empathy fbt | |
Words to tell your child you’re taking the lead | If you’re wondering how to talk about the changes you’re making, these words or scripts may inspire you | beginning, communication, empathy, FBT | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication empathy fbt | |
Our child will not accept our help | You don’t need your child’s buy-in. How to announce you will serve the next meal anyway. | beginning, communication, empathy, FBT, meal coaching, motivation, rejection | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication empathy fbt meal-coaching motivation rejection | |
Collaborate or take charge? | Are you hesitant to take charge? Do you think your child needs to involved in decisions? This will help you assess. | autism, beginning, collaboration, meal coaching, motivation | take-charge-the-start | autism beginning collaboration meal-coaching motivation | |
“Back off! My labs are normal!" | Normal blood tests are no reason to do nothing. How to steer empathic conversation to wellbeing. | beginning, communication, empathy, FBT, health, medical | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication empathy fbt health medical | |
"I'll accept treatment if I don't have to gain weight" | When your child asks about weight gain at start of treatment, how not to walk on eggshells. | beginning, communication, empathy, FBT, health, weight | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication empathy fbt health weight | |
“I’m eating alone – I'm eating with friends” | You’re starting treatment and your child is unhappy having meals with you. What can you say when they want to eat alone or with friends? | autonomy, beginning, communication, depression, friends (your child's), meal coaching, persistence | take-charge-the-start | autonomy beginning communication depression friends-your-childs meal-coaching persistence | |
My child is 18+ and the therapist wants to promote autonomy | Ask the therapist to empower you, whatever your ill child’s age. | 18+, adult, autonomy, FBT, therapist | take-charge-the-start | 18 adult autonomy fbt therapist | |
My child is too independent / too old to take our help | An adult describes how having parents take charge of meals helped. It’s not about your child’s age or desire for autonomy, but about the behaviours they’re unable to correct while in the grip of the illness. | 18+, adult, autonomy, FBT, therapist | take-charge-the-start | 18 adult autonomy fbt therapist | |
Who to tell? | Who tell about the eating disorder? What to say to your other children; the school. Helpful friends. Shame and secrecy. | beginning, family, friends (yours), school, siblings | take-charge-the-start | beginning family friends-yours school siblings | |
How to be in your power right from the start | Step into your love and power. A pep talk from me. | beginning, communication, inspiration, persistence | take-charge-the-start | beginning communication inspiration persistence | |
A full recovery: why awful statistics are out of date | You need hope, so know that the scary statistics that get repeated are outdated or unfounded. How modern treatment is so different. | evidence, Hope, inspiration, recovery, relapse, therapist | take-charge-the-start | evidence hope inspiration recovery relapse therapist | |
Hold up that candle of hope: your child’s full and wonderful life ahead | Keep the vision of complete recovery. You need hope and so does your child. | acceptance, beginning, Hope, modelling, motivation, recovery, resilience, wellbeing (yours) | take-charge-the-start | acceptance beginning hope modelling motivation recovery resilience wellbeing | |
Alternative treatments where parents aren’t so involved | Alternatives to a family-based approach (FBT). What’s recommended for various age groups. | 18+, adult, beginning, CBT, FBT, motivation, recovery, therapist | take-charge-the-start | 18 adult beginning cbt fbt motivation recovery therapist | |
Take charge: your child's experience
| Understand your child’s needs | take-charge-childs-experience | |||
I was desperate for my parents to feed me | Hints our children give us. A letter from a 40-year old who is now using her parents’ help. | 18+, adult, autonomy, beginning, FBT, inspiration, meal coaching, mind | take-charge-childs-experience | 18 adult autonomy beginning fbt inspiration meal-coaching mind | |
Why your child will manage to eat | How parents make the impossible possible. Expectations, clarity, trust and love. | beginning, FBT, meal coaching, mind, motivation | take-charge-childs-experience | beginning fbt meal-coaching mind motivation | |
The hijacker holding a gun to your child’s head | Give your child ammunition against the terrorist. Be more trustworthy than the eating disorder kidnapper. Does your child report having a bullying ED ‘voice’? | 18+, adult, beginning, externalizing, FBT, inspiration, meal coaching, mind, motivation | take-charge-childs-experience | 18 adult beginning externalizing fbt inspiration meal-coaching mind motivation | |
Your motto: compassionate persistence | Your main tool. You can be kind AND persistent. Treatment is less effective when we shout, and when we give in. | communication, empathy, FBT, meal coaching, persistence | take-charge-childs-experience | communication empathy fbt meal-coaching persistence | |
Walking through hell with your child | To give you the courage to support your child and empathise in spite of their anxious resistance. | beginning, FBT, inspiration, meal coaching, persistence | take-charge-childs-experience | beginning fbt inspiration meal-coaching persistence | |
Is your child actually hungry? | Are they fascinated by cooking, recipes? Nature’s push to feast. Bingeing. Uncomfortably full. Appetite regulation. | beginning, binge, CBT, FBT, hunger, inspiration, intuitive eating, meal coaching | take-charge-childs-experience | beginning binge cbt fbt hunger inspiration intuitive-eating meal-coaching | |
Meal coaching
| How to get your child to eat | meal-coaching | |||
The fight-flight-freeze effect of malnourishment | An ED and malnourishment puts your child in an anxious, isolated state: fight-flight-freeze. Kindness counters this. | aggression, anxiety, communication, empathy, flexibility, hostility, meal coaching, mind, weight | meal-coaching | aggression anxiety communication empathy flexibility hostility meal-coaching mind weight | |
Use direct prompts | Examples of direct prompts. Use them often. How it cuts through their panic and bypasses long explanations. | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
How distraction is your friend during a meal | TV and games: you may need to pause, prompt for a mouthful, then resume. | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Plan distractions for before and after the meal | A meal will be easier when your child knows you’ll help with the post-meal anxiety. The benefits of keeping to schedule and of distraction before, during and after a meal. | anxiety, meal coaching | meal-coaching | anxiety meal-coaching | |
How to be silent at the right moment | Silence may help your child psyche themselves up | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Talk to the nervous system: “Trust me, I’m on your side, you’re safe” | Words that calm: less logic, more safety messages for the nervous system | anxiety, calming, communication, meal coaching | meal-coaching | anxiety calming communication meal-coaching | |
“What can I say when my child says…?” Some mealtime scripts | A template, then examples of responses to objections like “I’m not hungry”, “There’s too much”; throwing food | aggression, anxiety, communication, empathy, hostility, meal coaching | meal-coaching | aggression anxiety communication empathy hostility meal-coaching | |
Things we say which don’t work so well | See how it feels to hear me model words that are not awful but not great either. Why they are usually not so helpful. | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
“I’m feeling fine and doing fine, so obviously I’m eating enough” | Don’t get drawn into logical, rational debate: an example of what you can say instead | anxiety, beginning, meal coaching, medical | meal-coaching | anxiety beginning meal-coaching medical | |
Why might there be stomach and bowel pain during refeeding | Why might your child might have nausea, sore tummy, reflux and other gastro-intestinal issues | anxiety, beginning, calming, meal coaching, medical | meal-coaching | anxiety beginning calming meal-coaching medical | |
What to do about stomach and bowel pain during refeeding | Practical and emotional ways to help reduce tummy pain, gastroparesis and other GI issues | anxiety, beginning, calming, communication, empathy, food, meal coaching, medical | meal-coaching | anxiety beginning calming communication empathy food meal-coaching medical | |
Movement, stretching, breathing: to change the mood and reduce tension | Movement, stretching, breathing all help change the mood and reduce tension | anxiety, empathy, meal coaching | meal-coaching | anxiety empathy meal-coaching | |
Have a break or change the scene | Change the mood when a meal is ‘stuck’. Allow a break. Continue somewhere else. | aggression, anxiety, empathy, hostility, meal coaching | meal-coaching | aggression anxiety empathy hostility meal-coaching | |
The elephant in the room: name the unsaid | When you know your child already decided not to eat, you might bring it out in the open with an empathy guess | empathy, meal coaching | meal-coaching | empathy meal-coaching | |
What can I say during a meal? Demo of main tools | Hear me modelling direct prompts, empathy, trust, compassionate persistence, and avoiding bargaining. | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Direct prompts, silence, response to sarcasm: meal coaching demo | Demonstrating some meal coaching tools. What about when child blanks you out with sarcasm? | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Touch, hug, spoon-feeding | The power of physical touch, whatever your child’s age. Hear how I check. | empathy, meal coaching | meal-coaching | empathy meal-coaching | |
Empathy, bringing out what’s on their mind | I demonstrate empathy guesses during resistance to meal. Normalising, non-blaming, and eating in spite of those (dangerous) thoughts. Combining this with direct prompts. | empathy, meal coaching, normalisation | meal-coaching | empathy meal-coaching normalisation | |
Joys to look forward to, responding to hopelessness | I demonstrate changing the mood to a positive vision for the near or far future. Responding to hopelessness. | Hope, meal coaching, motivation | meal-coaching | hope meal-coaching motivation | |
"I want you to eat it" versus "You need to eat it" | Is it better to say ‘You need the pasta’ or ‘I want you to have the pasta’? | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
"You deserve this" | Try telling your child “You deserve the pasta” | exercise, meal coaching, psychology | meal-coaching | exercise meal-coaching psychology | |
Countdown to the next mouthful | “Keep the fork in your hand. 5-4-3-2-1…and have a bite” A technique to keep the momentum | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
"Listen to me, not to your head" | Reduce your child’s guilt during a meal: “It’s MY decision, listen to ME, not to your head” | externalizing, meal coaching, shame | meal-coaching | externalizing meal-coaching shame | |
Praise, cheerleading and giving hope | Praise at mealtimes can make things harder. Tips for cheerleading, giving hope and picking a good time to praise. | communication, Hope, meal coaching, shame | meal-coaching | communication hope meal-coaching shame | |
Should you end a meal that’s not working? | When your child is stuck, be persistent while avoiding one meal running into another | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Set a time-limit for the meal? | Have a time limit? Make it an all-nighter? Two criteria: stay as long as there is hope, and as long as you can stay supportive. | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Ask yourself, "Can I win one more bite?" | To avoid giving up while there’s still hope, check the signs and ask yourself, ‘Can I manage one more bite?’ | empathy, meal coaching, persistence | meal-coaching | empathy meal-coaching persistence | |
The art of ending a meal without blame | After you’ve tried your best with this meal, how to end it and move on, while staying competent and trustworthy | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Your options after a failed meal | Should you replace calories, add to the next meal, impose rest, or take your child to a doctor | meal coaching | meal-coaching | meal-coaching | |
Does your child always leave a few crumbs? | Does your child always leave a few crumbs or spoonfuls on their plate? Is it a slippery slope? Might leaving a bit help them for a while, surprisingly? | externalizing, meal coaching, mind | meal-coaching | externalizing meal-coaching mind | |
Is ‘Life Stops Until You Eat’ for you? | The many meanings of this popular mantra. Your choices when your child is stuck. | meal coaching, persistence | meal-coaching | meal-coaching persistence | |
“Eat, or else”: threats, punishments, consequences, bribes and rewards | Carrot and stick systems, bribes, rewards, incentives, punishments (like removing a phone), may be helpful… or harmful! What about the threat of hospitalization? Suggestions for talking. | communication, hospital, meal coaching, school, shame | meal-coaching | communication hospital meal-coaching school shame | |
Lunchtime is lunchtime: even when your child is upset | An anecdote: the lesson is, don’t wait for the perfect moment | meal coaching, persistence | meal-coaching | meal-coaching persistence | |
My child won’t even come to the table | Suggested words to persist in getting your child to the table· or to wherever they can eat. | meal coaching, persistence | meal-coaching | meal-coaching persistence | |
My child runs away from the table, into their room | Seating arrangement, suggested words, giving them some time, bringing the food to them. | meal coaching, persistence | meal-coaching | meal-coaching persistence | |
“I’ll eat alone! Back off!” | What if your child insists that they eat better when you leave them alone? Is it true? Is eating something better than nothing? | autonomy, meal coaching, persistence | meal-coaching | autonomy meal-coaching persistence | |
If you haven’t seen the food being eaten, assume it hasn’t | What should you do if in spite of refeeding, your child isn’t gaining weight? | autonomy, meal coaching | meal-coaching | autonomy meal-coaching | |
Meals are not working at home – what's next? | If your child isn’t eating enough, how many days or weeks should you keep trying? When might a higher level of care (like hospital) be needed? | FBT, hospital, meal coaching, therapist, weight | meal-coaching | fbt hospital meal-coaching therapist weight | |
The food
| What to feed your child | the-food | |||
How many meals, how often? | How frequent meals / snacks protect from ED thoughts and from cycle of binge/restrict. Making arrangements with the school. Your child’s hunger. | food | the-food | food | |
How much to feed | What quantities to serve, how fast to go with weight gain | food, weight | the-food | food weight | |
My child is not gaining weight | What should you do if in spite of refeeding, your child isn’t gaining weight? | exercise, food, meal coaching, weight | the-food | exercise food meal-coaching weight | |
Refeeding syndrome | Risk of refeeding lots when your child has been eating very little. Serious, and rare but get medical advice. How fast can you increase food? | food | the-food | food | |
What foods should I serve? | All food groups, no more low-fat, low-carb. High-calorie drinks. Vary bowls and glasses. | fear foods, flexibility, food, weight | the-food | fear-foods flexibility food weight | |
Give me a meal plan | Pros and cons of receiving a meal plan. How to ensure it serves you well. Without a meal plan, parents empowered. | food | the-food | food | |
Fear foods during refeeding | Should you serve foods you child has been avoiding? Should you wait for weight-restoration? | fear foods, flexibility, food, weight | the-food | fear-foods flexibility food weight | |
Can my child stay vegetarian/vegan? | Is the veganism driven by the eating disorder? Prioritise nutritional needs. Also: anorexiafamily.com/vegan-eating-disorder/ | fear foods, flexibility, food, weight | the-food | fear-foods flexibility food weight | |
My child insists I eat the same amount | Is your child only able to eat if you eat the same? Is that OK for now? How might you persist in meeting your own needs? | anxiety, empathy, food, meal coaching, siblings | the-food | anxiety empathy food meal-coaching siblings | |
Comparing: "It’s not fair, I have to eat more than others!" Tips for responding | Ideas of what to say when your child is comparing | anxiety, empathy, food, meal coaching, siblings | the-food | anxiety empathy food meal-coaching siblings | |
Exercise
| Compulsive or excessive exercise | 055-exercise | |||
Why and how to take charge of exercise at the start | At the start of treatment, why you may need to stop or restrict exercise. How to go about it. | beginning, body image, exercise, fat (your child's fears), medical, muscularity, reverse anorexia, school, weight | 055-exercise | beginning body_image exercise fat-fear medical muscularity reverse-anorexia school weight | |
How to talk about limits on exercise | If you’re going to put limits on the exercise your child does, how can you talk about it? | autonomy, beginning, communication, exercise, muscularity, reverse anorexia, school, social life | 055-exercise | autonomy beginning communication exercise muscularity reverse-anorexia school social-life | |
What if my over-exercising child wants to stop but can’t? | When your child says, “I don’t want to run any more, but I have to” | beginning, communication, empathy, exercise, externalizing, mind, muscularity, perfectionism, reverse anorexia | 055-exercise | beginning communication empathy exercise externalizing mind muscularity perfectionism reverse-anorexia | |
What kind of exercise may your child return to later? | What kind of exercise might your child safely return to, and what might keep re-triggering the eating disorder? | autonomy, body image, exercise, fat (your child's fears), muscularity, perfectionism, phase 2, reverse anorexia | 055-exercise | autonomy body_image exercise fat-fear muscularity perfectionism coach-for-normality reverse-anorexia | |
What drives your child’s attitude to exercise? | What short-term benefits might your child be getting from over-exercise or compulsive exercise? I list possible reasons, to help you have therapeutic conversations. | beginning, body image, communication, empathy, exercise, fat (your child's fears), muscularity, perfectionism, psychotherapy, reverse anorexia, school, social life, therapist, weight | 055-exercise | beginning body_image communication empathy exercise fat-fear muscularity perfectionism psychotherapy reverse-anorexia school social-life therapist weight | |
How to coach your child towards a positive attitude to exercise | Conversations and actions to help your child transform their attitude to exercise | body image, CBT, education, exercise, fat (your child's fears), flexibility, muscularity, psychotherapy, reverse anorexia, social life, therapist | 055-exercise | body_image cbt education exercise fat-fear flexibility muscularity psychotherapy reverse-anorexia social-life therapist | |
Cautious steps as you allow more exercise | Appropriate levels of movement. Guiding principles: monitoring, refuelling, rest days, and go back a step if needed. | exercise, food | 055-exercise | exercise food | |
Why schedule rest or recovery days as you reintroduce exercise | Physiological and psychological reasons to ensure every week has rest days | calming, exercise, exposure, OCD, psychology | 055-exercise | calming exercise exposure ocd psychology | |
Psychology and the Mind
| The role of psychology. Your child’s mental wellbeing. | psychology-and-the-mind | |||
What is the externalizing model? Meet the eating disorder demon | What is ‘externalizing’ and what are the benefits of the model: love your blameless child , fight the demon ED. If your child senses and fears a ‘ED voice’, you can give your child ammunition against it. | aggression, communication, empathy, externalizing, hostility, mind, therapist | psychology-and-the-mind | aggression communication empathy externalizing hostility mind therapist | |
Why your child might feel misunderstood by the externalizing model | If your child does not see themselves as separate from the eating disorder, the externalising model might make them feel even more alienated from you if you insist on using it. Words you can use instead. | aggression, communication, externalizing, hostility, meal coaching, mind, psychotherapy | psychology-and-the-mind | aggression communication externalizing hostility meal-coaching mind psychotherapy | |
What if your child both loves and hates the eating disorder? | If your child senses an ED part, they may be ambivalent about it, defending it as their friend, or deciding to beat it as their foe. It’s normal psychologically to have many parts. How might this guide your communication? | communication, externalizing, meal coaching, mind, psychotherapy | psychology-and-the-mind | communication externalizing meal-coaching mind psychotherapy | |
If you ‘hate ED’, does your child feel your love? | When you tell your child you hate ED, do they hear your love or your hate? Do they sense fear or your compassion? | communication, externalizing, mind, motivation, psychotherapy | psychology-and-the-mind | communication externalizing mind motivation psychotherapy | |
What helps you do a good job: 'Slaying the beast' or 'Walking alongside your child'? | Are you ‘Slaying the ED beast’ or walking through fire alongside your child? Which attitude helps you best to give effective and loving support? Review as this may change. | communication, externalizing, mind, motivation, psychotherapy, resilience, self-care | psychology-and-the-mind | communication externalizing mind motivation psychotherapy resilience self-care | |
Should you 'attack' the eating disorder on all fronts? | Should you deal with all ED behaviours at once? Is the illness a many-headed beast, a game of Whac-A-Mole? Or can you risk-assess and determine priorities? | cold, communication, exercise, externalizing, meal coaching, mind | psychology-and-the-mind | cold communication exercise externalizing meal-coaching mind | |
Why isn’t my child getting psychotherapy right away? | Why talk therapy sessions are rarely useful during the refeeding phase. When you might ask for them all the same. | beginning, mind, phase 1, psychotherapy, therapist, trauma | psychology-and-the-mind | beginning mind phase-1 psychotherapy therapist trauma | |
Should my child have individual psychotherapy after weight recovery? | Talk therapies after weight-recovery. The short focus on adolescent development in Phase 3 of FBT | adhd, anxiety, autism, body image, CBT, depression, FBT, mind, phase 3, psychotherapy, therapist, trauma | psychology-and-the-mind | adhd anxiety autism body_image cbt depression fbt mind phase-3 psychotherapy therapist trauma | |
How to choose a psychotherapist for your child’s individual sessions | What to watch out for if your child is to have one-on-one sessions with a therapist | CBT, depression, fatphobia, FBT, mind, phase 2, phase 3, psychotherapy, therapist, trauma | psychology-and-the-mind | cbt depression fatphobia fbt mind coach-for-normality phase-3 psychotherapy therapist trauma | |
Should my child like their therapist? | When is it necessary for your child to engage with the therapist? Tips if they resist. | CBT, FBT, mind, psychotherapy, therapist | psychology-and-the-mind | cbt fbt mind psychotherapy therapist | |
Could your child be autistic? Autism resources help us all | Introduction to autism with eating disorder. How knowledge of autism helps us all. Read more on https://anorexiafamily.com/autism-eating-disorder-tips | anxiety, ASD, Asperger, autism, autonomy, collaboration, flexibility, OCD, psychotherapy, social life, therapist | psychology-and-the-mind | anxiety asd asperger autism autonomy collaboration flexibility ocd psychotherapy social-life therapist | |
What if your child has ADHD? | Some pointers on exercise, weight, medication if your child has ADHD | adhd, exercise, psychology, weight | psychology-and-the-mind | adhd exercise psychology weight | |
Why is my child so withdrawn? | It’s not necessarily depression; could be anxiety’s ‘freeze’ or shut-down state. They have so many challenges! Normalise and validate their need for safety. | acceptance, aggression, anxiety, depression, empathy, hostility, mind, withdrawal | psychology-and-the-mind | acceptance aggression anxiety depression empathy hostility mind withdrawal | |
Socially isolated: what to say | Suggestions to empathise and problem-solve about your child’s reluctance to see friends. Your parental role if you judge they need a push? | communication, empathy, limits, mind, withdrawal | psychology-and-the-mind | communication empathy limits mind withdrawal | |
Withdrawn in their room: allow or intervene? | Is alone-time beneficial for your child or do they need structure from you ? What to say? | acceptance, aggression, communication, empathy, hostility, limits, mind, phase 2, school, withdrawal | psychology-and-the-mind | acceptance aggression communication empathy hostility limits mind coach-for-normality school withdrawal | |
If your child is self-harming | The main tips if your child is engaging in self-harm / non-suicidal self-injury | anxiety, depression, mind, psychotherapy | psychology-and-the-mind | anxiety depression mind psychotherapy | |
The differences between self-harm and suicidality | Does self-harm lead to a higher suicide risk? How do the two relate? | anxiety, depression, mind, psychotherapy, self-harm, suicidal | psychology-and-the-mind | anxiety depression mind psychotherapy self-harm suicidal | |
Self-harm: “I’m fighting my internal bully, not myself” | If your child’s self-harm is about harming the part that distresses them | anxiety, depression, mind, psychotherapy, self-harm | psychology-and-the-mind | anxiety depression mind psychotherapy self-harm | |
If your child is suicidal | Some pointers if your child has suicidal ideation or has attempted suicide | anxiety, depression, mind, psychotherapy, suicidal | psychology-and-the-mind | anxiety depression mind psychotherapy suicidal | |
A safety plan, if your child is suicidal | What does a suicide safety plan look like? | anxiety, depression, mind, psychotherapy, self-harm, suicidal | psychology-and-the-mind | anxiety depression mind psychotherapy self-harm suicidal | |
Is anorexia a need for control? | Anorexia controls people, yet it’s often said to be “A need for control”. I propose that control is a strategy to meet needs for calm and safety. | autonomy, mind, psychology, psychotherapy | psychology-and-the-mind | autonomy mind psychology psychotherapy | |
A healthy weight
| Weight targets, BMI, percentiles, weight-for-height | a-healthy-weight | |||
Overview: how full weight recovery is essential | Overview of the next audios on the weight that your child needs for mental and physical recovery. For experts’ quotes on my site, search ‘weight recovery’ | health, relapse, weight | a-healthy-weight | health relapse weight | |
Should your child be weighed during the refeeding phase? | If weighing your child during the refeeding phase makes things worse: pros and cons of weighing | aggression, anxiety, beginning, body image, fat (your child's fears), health, hostility, mind, phase 1, weight | a-healthy-weight | aggression anxiety beginning body_image fat-fear health hostility mind phase-1 weight | |
Weight is more like shoe size than hair style | Why weight charts and calculators can be dangerously wrong for half the population. Explaining where these figures come from, including median BMI and “100 percent weight-for-height”. | fat (your child's fears), fatphobia, health, mind, muscularity, relapse, therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | fat-fear fatphobia health mind muscularity relapse therapist weight | |
Start on weight gain NOW. Worry about targets later. | Why any youngster who lost weight or flatlined needs to gain weight as a priority (check out refeeding syndrome, though) | health, mind, muscularity, weight | a-healthy-weight | health mind muscularity weight | |
Previously ‘overweight’? Weight gain is still the early priority | Regain some weight now, worry about how much later: previously ‘overweight’ kids, or very muscular ones, can be in medical danger. | health, weight | a-healthy-weight | health weight | |
The need for body fat, not just muscle | Weight gain through muscle is not the answer. Body fat is needed for health, whether underweight or very muscular. | body image, fat (your child's fears), health, mind, muscularity, weight | a-healthy-weight | body_image fat-fear health mind muscularity weight | |
How announcing a weight goal might create problems | Pros and cons of your child hearing a weight goal / target: here are the cons | body image, fat (your child's fears), therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | body_image fat-fear therapist weight | |
How announcing a weight goal might be positive | Pros and cons of your child hearing a weight goal / target: here are the pros | fat (your child's fears), therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | fat-fear therapist weight | |
Open or blind weighing? | What is open or blind weighing? Your options, and the pros and cons. | body image, fat (your child's fears), FBT, therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | body_image fat-fear fbt therapist weight | |
How to weigh blind, and what to say | Stepping on backwards, special scales, commenting only on trajectory, helpful words | body image, fat (your child's fears), FBT, weight | a-healthy-weight | body_image fat-fear fbt weight | |
Poor mental state: need more weight or more time? | May need to experiment. Watch out for weight bias. The healing effect of time. | body image, mind, phase 2, psychotherapy, weight | a-healthy-weight | body_image mind coach-for-normality psychotherapy weight | |
Overshoot: extra weight might be essential for healing | Lots of anecdotal evidence, plus the Minnesota starvation experiment, indicating an extra ten percent or so might be essential. But not for everyone. | binge, fat (your child's fears), fatphobia, hunger, mind, therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | binge fat-fear fatphobia hunger mind therapist weight | |
'My kid is/was overweight: is the target to regain it all?' | Reasons to regain most or all of the lost weight, irrespective of BMI ‘overweight’ category | fatphobia, health, weight | a-healthy-weight | fatphobia health weight | |
Regular periods: a poor criterion for weight recovery | Menses don’t mean she is healthy, nor that she has reached a healthy weight. | health, therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | health therapist weight | |
How to use a growth chart as part of predicting recovery weight | How to use weight and height data from previous years. Images on anorexiafamily.com: search ‘target, gift’ or my YouTube https://youtu.be/2yVa7jlUsMY | health, weight | a-healthy-weight | health weight | |
Is that weight target a gift to the eating disorder? | Comparing the one-size-fits-all calculator results with the number predicted from your child’s growth chart. Beware of huge under-estimate. Images on anorexiafamily.com: search ‘target, gift’ and on YouTube https://youtu.be/2yVa7jlUsMY. | fatphobia, health, mind, therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | fatphobia health mind therapist weight | |
What does BMI or 100% weight-for-height mean? | Explaining BMI and percent weight for height (WFH). How they can yield misguided weight targets. Also my YouTube https://youtu.be/akoXXuyXA2g | fatphobia, health, therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | fatphobia health therapist weight | |
The work after weight-restoration | Once your child is weight restored, what can you expect and what more needs to be done? How weight recovery is necessary but not sufficient. | autonomy, exercise, exposure, fat (your child's fears), fatphobia, health, mind, muscularity, phase 2, psychotherapy, relapse, therapist, weight | a-healthy-weight | autonomy exercise exposure fat-fear fatphobia health mind muscularity coach-for-normality psychotherapy relapse therapist weight | |
Exposure work to bring back normal foods and behaviours
| Exposure work to bring back normal foods and behaviours | exposure | |||
Why we need to expose our children to their fears | Our children fear fear, yet need to do it anyway. How exposure and desensitisation work. Analogies for brain rewiring. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation, phase 2 | exposure | after-weight-restoration autonomy exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation coach-for-normality | |
Eating out: an example of exposure work | Steps you could take to get your child comfortable eating out: practical examples of gradual exposure work. Coping with variety and not knowing the calories. | autonomy, calorie-counting, collaboration, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation | exposure | autonomy calorie-counting collaboration exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation | |
Exposure: freedom from fear of the fear | Exposure liberates us from the fear of fear | after weight-restoration, exposure, flexibility, normalisation, OCD | exposure | after-weight-restoration exposure flexibility normalisation ocd | |
Exposure: don’t allow compensations | Don’t be tempted to make a challenge bearable by allowing eating-disorder compensations: exposure requires ‘response prevention’ | after weight-restoration, exercise, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation, OCD | exposure | after-weight-restoration exercise exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation ocd | |
When to do exposure and desensitisation work? | When is a good time to expose your child to fears and work on flexibility? | after weight-restoration, autonomy, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation, phase 2 | exposure | after-weight-restoration autonomy exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation coach-for-normality | |
Will things not get better naturally, without exposure work? | Is it necessary to do exposure work? Would more time or weight not fix things? | after weight-restoration, body image, exercise, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation, OCD, weight | exposure | after-weight-restoration body_image exercise exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation ocd weight | |
Make a list of everything that is not yet normal | To keep your focus throughout the exposure work, make a list of everything that is not yet normal. Examples, including food, restaurants and even money. | exposure, externalizing, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation | exposure | exposure externalizing fear-foods flexibility normalisation | |
Exposure to fears: small, gradual steps or dive in? | Exposure choices: a ladder approach (small steps), or flooding (diving in at the deep end); soothe or not | after weight-restoration, exercise, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation, OCD | exposure | after-weight-restoration exercise exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation ocd | |
Exposure: Repeat soon, with variations | To extinguish a fear, repeat the exposure and vary the details so that the brain can generalise | after weight-restoration, exercise, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation, OCD | exposure | after-weight-restoration exercise exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation ocd | |
Small steps make challenges manageable and safe | How breaking down challenges in small steps means your child will succeed, and nothing can go too wrong | after weight-restoration, autonomy, collaboration, exercise, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation, OCD, phase 2 | exposure | after-weight-restoration autonomy collaboration exercise exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation ocd coach-for-normality | |
Techniques for fear foods in small steps | Four techniques using small gradual steps to succeed with fear foods and expand your child’s range: increase amount, food chaining, fading in, and deconstructing. | ARFID, ASD, Asperger, autonomy, collaboration, exercise, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation | exposure | arfid asd asperger autonomy collaboration exercise exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation | |
How to talk with your child about exposure work | How can you talk with your child about fear foods and all the exposure and coaching work? | autonomy, communication, education, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation | exposure | autonomy communication education exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation | |
Is your child motivated to expand their range? | Is your child challenging themselves to be more flexible? How to make use of their motivation | after weight-restoration, collaboration, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, motivation, normalisation, OCD | exposure | after-weight-restoration collaboration exposure fear-foods flexibility motivation normalisation ocd | |
Exposure: forewarn or surprise? | Should you plan exposures with your child? Should you inform them of the upcoming challenge? | after weight-restoration, collaboration, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, motivation, normalisation, OCD | exposure | after-weight-restoration collaboration exposure fear-foods flexibility motivation normalisation ocd | |
Soothing your child while exposing to a fear | Should you help reduce the fear during a challenge? If so, how? How exposure THERAPY might be different. | after weight-restoration, calming, collaboration, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, motivation, normalisation, OCD, therapist | exposure | after-weight-restoration calming collaboration exposure fear-foods flexibility motivation normalisation ocd therapist | |
Is a particular fear food just too hard? | If your child has an extreme reaction to some fear foods, it could be OK to put these on hold while working on other aspects | exposure, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation | exposure | exposure fear-foods flexibility normalisation | |
Should I compensate for a fear food that failed? | You’re coaching your child to manage a fear food – what if they don’t eat it? | exposure, externalizing, fear foods, flexibility, normalisation | exposure | exposure externalizing fear-foods flexibility normalisation | |
Independence (Phase 2 tasks)
| The work after refeeding | independence | |||
Handing back independence: what is Phase 2? | An introduction to Phase 2. Think in terms of a series of tasks towards independence, rather than a distinct phase that comes after refeeding. | autonomy, phase 2 | independence | autonomy coach-for-normality | |
When does Phase 2 start? | When to begin on Phase 2 and work towards normality? It’s not a sudden cliff edge, more of looking for aspects your child is ready for. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, FBT, normalisation, phase 2 | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy fbt normalisation coach-for-normality | |
List the competencies required for independence | Examples of how you could list and plan the tasks of returning independence to your child (Phase 2) | autonomy, exercise, normalisation, phase 2 | independence | autonomy exercise normalisation coach-for-normality | |
Coach your child to serve themselves | How to coach your child to serve their own portion and move away from ‘Magic Plate’. When it might be too soon to stop plating and portioning. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, exposure, flexibility, normalisation, phase 2 | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy exposure flexibility normalisation coach-for-normality | |
The extra care needed when weight-restored | How upon learning they’re weight-restored, your child may need extra support, rather than unrestricted new freedoms (Phase 2) | after weight-restoration, binge, body image, fat (your child's fears), mind, phase 2, weight | independence | after-weight-restoration binge body_image fat-fear mind coach-for-normality weight | |
Don’t rush or skip Phase 2 | Like the rehab phase after leg fracture. How to bring facts to the therapist so that this phase is done properly. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, exposure, FBT, flexibility, normalisation, phase 2, relapse, therapist | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy exposure fbt flexibility normalisation coach-for-normality relapse therapist | |
When does Phase 2 end and Phase 3 begin? | When and how does Phase 2 end? What about Phase 3, and the end of treatment? | after weight-restoration, autonomy, FBT, normalisation, phase 2, phase 3, recovery | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy fbt normalisation coach-for-normality phase-3 recovery | |
How will your child become independent and not slip back? | As you risk-assess and promote autonomy, design experiments that give you feedback, that can’t fail too badly and where you can go back to the last thing that worked. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, normalisation, phase 2 | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy normalisation coach-for-normality | |
Intuitive eating versus rule-based eating | What is intuitive eating and what is rule-based eating? What seems ‘normal’ to you? To our society? | after weight-restoration, exercise, flexibility, intuitive eating, normalisation, phase 2 | independence | after-weight-restoration exercise flexibility intuitive-eating normalisation coach-for-normality | |
Is your child ready for intuitive eating? | How to go from rule-based eating intuitive eating. How rule-based may remain necessary if hunger cues remain distorted. | after weight-restoration, exercise, flexibility, intuitive eating, normalisation, phase 2 | independence | after-weight-restoration exercise flexibility intuitive-eating normalisation coach-for-normality | |
Welcome hiccups as an opportunity to practice | Hiccups and setbacks, when things were going well, are opportunities to coach your child to practice tools to manage their emotions. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, exercise, exposure, fear foods, flexibility, mind, normalisation, phase 2, recovery | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy exercise exposure fear-foods flexibility mind normalisation coach-for-normality recovery | |
Parents deal with uncertainty: 'I hate phase 2' | Embrace the uncertainties of Phase 2: Are you doing enough? How much to push? How much to supervise? | acceptance, after weight-restoration, mind, phase 2, resilience, self-care | independence | acceptance after-weight-restoration mind coach-for-normality resilience self-care | |
My child got worse with more autonomy, and we can’t go back | You gave your child autonomy and they have slipped back. Can you take charge again? What if you can’t? | after weight-restoration, autonomy, communication, mind, motivation, phase 2, relapse, resilience, self-care | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy communication mind motivation coach-for-normality relapse resilience self-care | |
Do you disagree with the clinician how fast to go with Phase 2? | You gave your child autonomy and they have slipped back. Can you take charge again? What if you can’t? | after weight-restoration, autonomy, phase 2, relapse, therapist | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy coach-for-normality relapse therapist | |
Is it OK to keep my child in Phase 1 a lot longer? | Reasons for parents to stay in charge longer, e.g. young child, fast growth, psychological readiness. Or push for autonomy ahead of college or university. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, phase 1, phase 2, therapist, weight | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy phase-1 coach-for-normality therapist weight | |
Should my child still get weighed during Phase 2? | Reasons to start or continue to weigh your child during Phase 2, open or blind | after weight-restoration, autonomy, phase 2, weight | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy coach-for-normality weight | |
Should we continue weighing after complete recovery? | How long should you continue to weigh your child, once they’re well? | after weight-restoration, autonomy, intuitive eating, phase 2, recovery, weight | independence | after-weight-restoration autonomy intuitive-eating coach-for-normality recovery weight | |
Compassionate Communication
| The main principles to listening and talking effectively | communication | |||
Why kindness works better than explanations | How the nervous system puts your child in fight-flight-freeze, blocking access to the rational, wise part of the brain | communication | communication | communication | |
'Connect before you Direct' (part 1) Why and how? | The mantra “Connect before you Direct” can help you be effective as well as compassionate. Here is the audio of the first part of a YouTube on the subject (previously I called it ‘Connect before you Correct’) | communication, empathy | communication | communication empathy | |
'Connect before you Direct' (part 2) Examples | The audio of the 2nd part of a YouTube on ‘Connect before you Direct’, giving examples of both Connecting and Directing communication | communication, empathy | communication | communication empathy | |
'Connect before you Direct' (part 3) Special situations | From part 3 of a YouTube on ‘Connect before you Direct’: special situations where the mantra might not quite apply | aggression, communication, empathy, grief, hostility, limits | communication | aggression communication empathy grief hostility limits | |
“I’m sorry, and I love you”: the simplest formula to connect and soothe | When you are uncertain how to respond, this is your shortcut to compassion and to self-compassion. How your child assumes you don’t love them. | communication, empathy, self-compassion | communication | communication empathy self-compassion | |
Silent empathy: a surprisingly powerful tool | When everything you say makes things worse, this is how to make silence work. | communication, empathy | communication | communication empathy | |
Offer hugs and touch | Why physical touch is more effective than words. Asking permission if your child usually rejects touch. | communication, empathy, partner | communication | communication empathy partner | |
A recipe for compassionate communication | A framework for each element of connecting communication, using examples ‘My friends think I’m weird’ and ‘My tummy hurts’. | communication, empathy, medical, social life | communication | communication empathy medical social-life | |
Words to express kindness and non-judgement | Examples of things you can say. Make your voice kind too! | communication, empathy | communication | communication empathy | |
'Yes' words to show you are listening | Sentence starters, with example “I’m not going to that useless therapist”. We’re in “Connect before you Correct”. A “Yes” will stop you from jumping in to fix or contradict. | communication, empathy, therapist | communication | communication empathy therapist | |
Words to guess deeper about feelings and needs | Sentence starters to bring out feelings and needs and what’s really going on. I use 2 examples: “I’m not going to the therapist, she’s useless”, and “Grandma doesn’t smile at me any more”. | communication, empathy, therapist | communication | communication empathy therapist | |
Use question marks to avoid “You have no idea how I feel" | Examples of how to make empathy guesses, not statements. | aggression, communication, empathy, hostility, meal coaching | communication | aggression communication empathy hostility meal-coaching | |
Words to validate feelings and needs | Sentence starters to empathise & validate feelings and what deeply matters. I continue with the examples “I’m not going to the therapist, she’s useless”, and “Grandma doesn’t smile at me any more”. | communication, empathy, therapist | communication | communication empathy therapist | |
Signs of a shift to a more relaxed state | When to move on to the ‘Direct bit of ‘Connect before you Direct? I list physical signs of the parasympathetic nervous system coming online. Understand how emotions pass like waves. A fix may not be needed. | communication, empathy | communication | communication empathy | |
Give your kindness and reassurance | Words to soothe, reassure, humanise, empower and give hope. We’re on the ‘Direct’ bit of ‘Connect before you Direct’. | communication, empathy | communication | communication empathy | |
Logic, education and explanations | Logical explanations, or explaining, can come now. You’re in the ‘Direct’ bit of ‘Connect before you Direct’. Some examples, and why this may be new to you. | communication, education | communication | communication education | |
Action: making suggestions and requests, problem-solving | Examples of things you can say to get things done. Part of the ‘Direct bit of ‘Connect before you Direct’. | communication, empathy | communication | communication empathy | |
Continuum of requests: from Choice to No Choice | Sentence starters when you want some action: a ladder from the negotiable to the non-negotiable. | communication, empathy, limits | communication | communication empathy limits | |
Ask for what you want: a recipe for framing a request | Make the request precise and do-able. Share what matters to you and perhaps your feelings. Example: Say ‘Bye!’ as you leave for school. | aggression, communication, hostility, shame | communication | aggression communication hostility shame | |
Getting past a ‘No’ | Examples of things to say to persist, without turning it into a power play. Expressing your own needs and inviting the other person to stretch. | communication, empathy, limits | communication | communication empathy limits | |
Had a fallout? Become skilled at repairing the relationship | The benefits of a relationship-repairing or mending conversation after a fallout. Intro to several audios. | aggression, apology, communication, empathy, hostility, rejection, repair | communication-more | aggression apology communication empathy hostility rejection repair | |
How to repair the relationship after you messed up – the main steps | A repairing conversation after you made a mistake: main steps, starting with compassion for yourself | apology, communication, empathy, mending, rejection, repair, self-compassion | communication-more | apology communication empathy mending rejection repair self-compassion | |
After you screwed up: words of connection | Example of the “Connect” bit of a repairing conversation when you regret something you did | apology, communication, empathy, mending, rejection, repair | communication-more | apology communication empathy mending rejection repair | |
How to repair the relationship: problem-solving | Example of the problem-solving part of a repairing conversation when you regret something you did | apology, communication, empathy, mending, rejection, repair | communication-more | apology communication empathy mending rejection repair | |
A repairing conversation when your child behaved poorly | How to have a repairing conversation when your child screwed up — whether they offer an apology or not. | apology, communication, empathy, mending, rejection, repair | communication-more | apology communication empathy mending rejection repair | |
Compassionate Communication – More help
| More questions, more depth | communication-more | |||
Get your ‘But’ out of the way! | Boost the power of your compassion by replacing ‘BUT’ with ‘AND’. | aggression, communication, empathy, hostility | communication-more | aggression communication empathy hostility | |
Your child's 'Why' question is rarely a question | ‘Why’ questions are a call for empathy, not information. | aggression, communication, empathy, hostility | communication-more | aggression communication empathy hostility | |
What deep needs does your child want you to really hear? | What needs commonly matter deeply to our children? Hear how to validate instead of jumping to reassurance.What needs commonly matter deeply to our children? Hear how to validate instead of jumping to reassurance. | communication, empathy, mind | communication-more | communication empathy mind | |
Open questions that bring up deeper needs | To unearth and validate what matters to your child (needs, values), here is a list of open questions you can ask, based on example: “I need to get A+ in all my exams”. | communication, empathy, perfectionism, school | communication-more | communication empathy perfectionism school | |
Keep tracking and validating what matters to your child | Examples of tracking your child’s needs. Why it’s worth doing. | communication, empathy | communication-more | communication empathy | |
Difficult conversation: meet obstacles with empathy | Ask an open question or guess? Make space for emotions. Example of ‘Mum you’re too anxious’ . | aggression, communication, hostility, relapse | communication-more | aggression communication hostility relapse | |
"We’ll try it and then review" | You’re more likely to get a ‘Yes’ and make it bearable when you make your proposition time-limited. | autonomy, communication, meal coaching, phase 2 | communication-more | autonomy communication meal-coaching coach-for-normality | |
Can you share your feelings with your child? | Emotions and needs that are safe to express, and those that could induce guilt, shame or fear. How to express what matters to you to make effective requests. The victim, persecutor or rescuer trap. Offload on a therapist. | communication, empathy, mind, partner, shame, siblings, therapist | communication-more | communication empathy mind partner shame siblings therapist | |
What to tell your child when they see you crying? | Some suggestions to model great emotional management. | communication, empathy, grief, mind, shame | communication-more | communication empathy grief mind shame | |
Compassionate Communication – Troubleshooting
| Typical questions parents ask on ‘What to say when…?’ | communication-troubleshoot | |||
How to respond to “You’re so patronizing!” | Be kind, be transparent, try again, when your child protests they’re not three years old. | aggression, communication, empathy, hostility | communication-troubleshoot | aggression communication empathy hostility | |
Can I motivate my child by telling them how ill they are? | ‘You have to eat because your heart is bad’: is that helpful? How else can you talk about health? | communication, empathy, health, meal coaching, medical | communication-troubleshoot | communication empathy health meal-coaching medical | |
Why does my child reject my empathy? The invulnerable fortress | Letting in kindness, when you’ve been relying only on your own walls to feel safe, feels risky. Taming an injured animal takes time. | aggression, empathy, hostility, mind, rejection, repair | communication-troubleshoot | aggression empathy hostility mind rejection repair | |
Why does my child reject my empathy? Unworthy of love | Your child may think your kindness is fake, or that they don’t deserve it | empathy, mending, mind, rejection, self-esteem, shame | communication-troubleshoot | empathy mending mind rejection self-esteem shame | |
You don’t understand how hard it is | I model empathy rather than self-justification. Avoid ‘but’. | communication, empathy, meal coaching, mind | communication-troubleshoot | communication empathy meal-coaching mind | |
‘You’re disrespecting me!’ Help your child let you in | They are resentful and closed in. Empathy guesses, modelling conversation. | aggression, communication, empathy, hostility, meal coaching, rejection | communication-troubleshoot | aggression communication empathy hostility meal-coaching rejection | |
"Get out of my room!" | They shout, “Get out!!!” Remove locks. Assert parental care. “I’m not abandoning you. I will check back.” | aggression, anxiety, communication, empathy, hostility, limits, withdrawal | communication-troubleshoot | aggression anxiety communication empathy hostility limits withdrawal | |
Hostility from your child? Empathy for YOU | Pausing to give you validation and hope if you are suffering because your child is rejecting you or behaving aggressively | aggression, Hope, hostility, rejection, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | communication-troubleshoot | aggression hope hostility rejection resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Hostility and aggression: set your limits | If your child is behaving ways that you don’t appreciate, decide where your limit is: some things you will not accept, others you’ll ignore | acceptance, aggression, communication, empathy, hostility, limits, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, self-esteem | communication-troubleshoot | acceptance aggression communication empathy hostility limits resilience self-care self-compassion self-esteem | |
Aggression: what you can do when a behaviour exceeds your limit | Things you can say or do, to stop or remove yourself from your child’s aggressive behaviour | aggression, communication, empathy, hostility, limits, self-care, self-esteem | communication-troubleshoot | aggression communication empathy hostility limits self-care self-esteem | |
How to de-escalate a meltdown | If your child’s behaviour is not acceptable, you can state your limit, de-escalate the tension, coach calm, and request polite behaviour | acceptance, aggression, empathy, hostility, limits | communication-troubleshoot | acceptance aggression empathy hostility limits | |
Receiving unacceptable behaviour: how to not be a doormat | How to get out of a persecutor/victim/rescuer dynamic if your child’s behaviour is rude | aggression, communication, empathy, hostility, limits, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, self-esteem | communication-troubleshoot | aggression communication empathy hostility limits resilience self-care self-compassion self-esteem | |
Empathy after your child's meltdown | Welcome the tears of self-connection. Avoid lectures or justification. | aggression, anxiety, communication, empathy, hostility, repair | communication-troubleshoot | aggression anxiety communication empathy hostility repair | |
Calming skills
| Tools to help calm and soothe your child | 26-calming-skills | |||
Why you should become expert at calming | Benefits — short and long-term — of parents helping their child with calming, anxiety-reducing skills | anxiety, calming, psychotherapy | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming psychotherapy | |
How the nervous system drives a state of fear, or a state of safety | How the nervous system gets cues for safety, or for threat and puts us in state of calm or in fight/flight/freeze | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
How to tell when your child is in fight, flight or freeze | Recognise signs of fight, flight, and especially, freeze, so you can respond with calming skills. How face and voice can be transformed. | aggression, anxiety, calming, hostility, withdrawal | 26-calming-skills | aggression anxiety calming hostility withdrawal | |
What makes the nervous system class something as a threat? | What puts the nervous system in a state of threat, and what gets it back out. The main principles of what you can act on. | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Calming skills: avoid reasoning | To calm your child, avoid reasoning, reassurance, logic: connect first. What might a firefighter say in a panic situation? Some things NOT to say, and examples of alternatives. | anxiety, calming, communication | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming communication | |
Prepare and coach calming tools assertively | Prepare calming tools, with or without your child. Creating a toolbox. Coach your child to use the tools. | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Calming skills: watch your body language | Body-language dos and don’ts as you calm your child | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Calming skills: rate the distress level on a scale of 0 to 10 | If your child can rate their level of distress, you will both be guided by how quickly a calming tool is working | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Breathing techniques for calming and times of panic | Breathing techniques to explore with your child, to induce calm. Combine with movement and music. | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Movement that helps bring calm | Ideas for relaxing, distracting or fun movement, as part of your calming skills | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Calming skills: hugs and touch | Various forms of touch that bring calm and soothing, including those used in trauma. Check your child welcomes your touch. | anxiety, calming, couple, trauma | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming couple trauma | |
Be present for your anxious or 'clingy' child | For your anxious or ‘clingy’ child, your kind presence matters, even at bedtime. Autonomy will grow from interconnection. | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Calming skills: engage the physical senses | Reduce anxiety or panic and provide ‘grounding’ by engaging the physical senses. I forgot to mention weighted blankets. | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
De-escalating violence, punching cushions and other stressbusters | Hitting? Self-harm? Limit-setting, de-escalation to calm, or use stress ball or cushion | aggression, anxiety, calming, hostility, self-harm | 26-calming-skills | aggression anxiety calming hostility self-harm | |
Calming skills: cold water, ice cubes and elastic bands | Using cold and other sensations, to interrupt panic, self-harm, dissociation | anxiety, calming, self-harm | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming self-harm | |
Use music to shift your child’s anxious state | What music moves your teen to a better state? | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Apps, audiobooks and meditation types to help with calm and sleep | Calming apps. Mindfulness. Types of meditation that help or hinder. Sleep-inducing apps and audiobooks with a sleep timer. No phone at bedtime. | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | 26-calming-skills | coping resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
Connect with empathy to bring calm | Compassionate listening skills are part of your calming toolbox | anxiety, calming, communication, empathy, kind | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming communication empathy kind | |
A quiet corner for your child to find calm | Creating a calm space where your child to self-soothe | anxiety, calming | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming | |
Tapping (EFT) or EMDR self-help to bring calm | Self-help tapping techniques that can quickly bring down distress levels | anxiety, calming, trauma | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming trauma | |
Medication to reduce anxiety | Psychiatrists can advise on medication to reduce extreme distress | anxiety, calming, self-harm | 26-calming-skills | anxiety calming self-harm | |
I'm so fat!
| Our children’s fear of being fat, their distorted body image. The following are also useful with “I’m not muscular enough!” | im-so-fat | |||
"You're not fat" doesn't reassure | “Am I fat? What’s the target? How fast? Will you make me fat?” How reassurance or giving data tends not to reassure. | body image, education, empathy, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image education empathy fat-fear weight | |
Weight gain will reduce the fear of fat | Paradoxically, your child will fear fat less as they regain weight | body image, fat (your child's fears), Hope, weight | im-so-fat | body_image fat-fear hope weight | |
Your child’s fear of fat as a phobia | Our fatphobic society, and the phobia of fat your child may have, and one way to talk about it | body image, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image fat-fear weight | |
Why "You're not fat" is only a temporary band-aid | “You’re not fat; we won’t make you fat” can help as temporary band-aid. If repeated, it stops reassuring and negates the body acceptance message we’re aiming for. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), fatphobia, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear fatphobia weight | |
"I'm fat": Refuse to engage | Standard response to ‘fat’ questions: compassionate,persistent “I’m sorry, we’re not discussing weight, it’s not helpful”. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear weight | |
Attitude to body shape: what you are aiming at | What kind of attitude do you want to promote? What can you tell your child about the future? When may your child’s anxiety around fat and body shape pass, and how? | body image, communication, education, empathy, fat (your child's fears), intuitive eating, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication education empathy fat-fear intuitive-eating weight | |
How to talk about wellbeing instead of engaging in fat talk | Another strategy: emphasize wellness, life, feeling good and ‘Trust us’. Education on the starved brain’s distortions. Normalising distress. Giving hope. Empathy and distraction. | body image, communication, education, empathy, fat (your child's fears), Hope, intuitive eating, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication education empathy fat-fear hope intuitive-eating weight | |
Gentler words to talk about weight gain | Alternatives to ‘You’ve put on weight’: words that might raise less anxiety | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear weight | |
"The weight that you never should have lost" | One sentence that really helped a teen: ‘Regaining the weight you should never have lost’ | body image, communication, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication fat-fear weight | |
“I’m fat!” How empathy can get your child unstuck | A ‘recipe’ for compassionate responses. Empathy may help with next meal or longer term. Beyond “I must be thin/muscular”. Space for grief and empathy. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), grief, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear grief weight | |
"I'm fat": examples of open questions for empathy | Suggestions for open questions that will help your child tune into what really matters. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), muscularity, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear muscularity weight | |
"I'm fat": how to talk about needs to fit in and be safe from fat-bullying | Why make empathy guesses? Examples of guesses: safety from bullying, and acceptance in peer group. | body image, bullying, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image bullying communication empathy fat-fear weight | |
“I’m fat”: conflicting internal and external messages | Empathy guesses on the conflict between internal sensations and what adults are saying. What if your child has been looking up BMI charts, or if clinicians’ messages are contradictory? Trust and connection are your tools. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), muscularity, therapist, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear muscularity therapist weight | |
Responding to “I’m fat” distress as they gain weight | Empathise with the upset over weight gain, fears, sensations, grief over wasted effort to lose weight. Keep up the weight gain in spite of the distress, which will reduce. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear weight | |
“I’m getting fat so fast! It will never stop!” | Your child – and some clinicians – may believe that weight gain is so fast they can’t cope. How to be compassionate and persistent. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear weight | |
“I was happy when I was thin – I wasted all that effort!” | This can come up after a weighing. Example of how you can respond with compassion and make space for grief. | body image, communication, empathy, fat (your child's fears), grief, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication empathy fat-fear grief weight | |
Conversations for a better attitude to body shape | Suggestions for conversations that will nudge your child towards a happier attitude to body shape | body image, communication, education, empathy, fat (your child's fears), intuitive eating, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication education empathy fat-fear intuitive-eating weight | |
"I'm fat!" Opportunity for education on body acceptance | Challenging fat bias. Health At Every Size (HAES). Relapse prevention. | body image, communication, education, empathy, fat (your child's fears), intuitive eating, relapse, weight | im-so-fat | body_image communication education empathy fat-fear intuitive-eating relapse weight | |
School
| What to do about school, exams, school meals | school | |||
Meals in school: what level of support to set up? | What to do about school and meals? I describe different levels of support, supervision and feedback | beginning, hunger, meal coaching, phase 2, school | school | beginning hunger meal-coaching coach-for-normality school | |
Supervising school meals: how to talk with your child | What to do about school and meals? I describe different levels of support, supervision and feedback | communication, empathy, meal coaching, school | school | communication empathy meal-coaching school | |
Perfectionism and academic ambitions: how to steer your child | Untangle self-worth and security from grades. Redirect anxious and perfectionistic tendencies. The bigger picture. Relapse prevention. An anecdote. | perfectionism, relapse, school, self-esteem | school | perfectionism relapse school self-esteem | |
My child wants to study the hardest topic in university | Sometimes our child’s choice for university/college studies are about perfectionism, not interest (medicine and law for example) | college, mind, money, perfectionism, school, self-esteem, university | school | college mind money perfectionism school self-esteem university | |
What to do about school and exam stress? | Risks of stress, coach stress management. Educate teachers. Priorities. Tips. | perfectionism, school, self-esteem | school | perfectionism school self-esteem | |
Your wellbeing and inner strength
| Tools to help you cope, be resilient and be well | your-wellbeing | |||
You’re good enough | My audios on wellbeing are here to help – don’t turn them into a ‘should’ | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
The best psychological tools for these extraordinary times | In these demanding times it’s normal you should need extra emotional tools to be more effective. | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Self-care to avoid burnout and model wellbeing | Don’t skip this one! Some major human needs: which can you meet? Modelling these. Permission to be joyful. | coping, modelling, needs, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping modelling needs resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Your body needs care too | Your mind needs you to attend to your body, so you can better attend to your child | coping, needs, resilience, self-care, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping needs resilience self-care wellbeing | |
Women, you’re probably in perimenopause or menopause | Be aware that a woman’s burden may be much heavier because of peri/menopause. Even if you never have hot flashes. Get medical help. | coping, resilience, self-care, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care wellbeing | |
You are normal | Tools for wellbeing: notice your critical voice. How you are normal. Tapping into our common humanity. | coping, normalisation, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping normalisation resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
What to do with unhelpful thoughts – the Chatterbox | Your critical and catastrophizing thoughts add to suffering. Recognize and deal with them. | resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
Is this thought true? Is it useful? | How to challenge and redirect your unhelpful chatterbox thoughts, with kindness | CBT, coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | cbt coping resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
Chatterbox thoughts as signposts to compassion | How to use unhelpful thoughts to tune into what really matters | coping, grief, needs, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping grief needs resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
How to do self-compassion (Part 1): Generate kindness through your body | Introduction to self-compassion. Notice the tension. Send kindness through your body. | coping, needs, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping needs resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
How to do self-compassion (Part 2): how to deal with thoughts | How to meet thoughts with kindness and connect to humanity | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
How to do self-compassion (Part 3): Wishes for yourself and for the wider world | Wishes, blessings, a prayer… for yourself, for those you love, and beyond: connecting to your bigger self | coping, grief, needs, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping grief needs resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
How to do emergency self-compassion | How to stabilise yourself on the go, in the middle of a crisis. | aggression, coping, hostility, needs, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | aggression coping hostility needs resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Should you meditate? | If meditation has become a ‘should’, give yourself a break. Why sitting alone with thoughts might not suit you now. | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
Notice and soak in the small joys | How to top up your wellbeing by noticing and soaking in small joys throughout your hectic day | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Feeling 5 percent better | Notice how you are helping yourself to feel a tiny bit better, and how even a small improvement is good enough just now | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Give yourself permission to escape | How to wisely manage your state of fight/flight by giving yourself a dignified way out | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Can you manage one more minute? | When you want to explode or give up, how to expand your staying power by checking if you can be OK with one more day, hour or minute. | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Notice you’re OK in this present instant | When things seem unbearable or you’re in a crisis, how to bring your attention to the present moment, where you’re actually OK. | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Emotions pass like a wave | How to attend to the rise and fall of unpleasant emotions like fear, anger, distress. How they pass like a wave, what “feel the feeling” means; how not to add to the swell. | coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Hold off from problem-solving while you’re upset | Ideas, while we’re in fight or flight, tend to be terrible. You’re in good company. Recognise this temporary state, and wait for it to pass. | coping, grief, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping grief resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
Accept reality | “It’s not fair…”, “Why me?” Redirecting thoughts that are not based in reality, helps you move on emotionally and practically. | acceptance, coping, grief, needs, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | acceptance coping grief needs resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can | The ‘Serenity prayer’: the tension between acceptance and the drive to change things. Tolerating uncertainty. Acceptance of present reality. | acceptance, coping, grief, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | acceptance coping grief resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
"Accept and let go": let go of what? | Paradoxically, you may achieve more when you “accept and let go”. What are you letting go of, though? | acceptance, coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | acceptance coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Trust and go with the flow? | Can we trust and go with the flow instead of fighting obstacles head-on? Trusting that internal and external resources usually appear during times of hardship. | acceptance, coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | acceptance coping resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Imagery to sustain you and expand your perspective | Three images or metaphors to expand your world and nourish hope | coping, grief, Hope, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping grief hope resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Why does your child reject you and hate you? | It’s normal. Possible reasons. It will pass. | aggression, grief, hostility, rejection, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | aggression grief hostility rejection resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Coping with your child’s rejection | Tips to help stay well. Being hated is exhausting. Analogy of hurt dog. Tools: externalizing, compassion, soaking in the good. | aggression, externalizing, hostility, mind, rejection, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | aggression externalizing hostility mind rejection resilience self-care self-compassion wellbeing | |
Every hero gets a helper. Who is yours? | Who do you want to support you through your heroic work? Friends? A counsellor? (More on my YouTube: “The hero’s journey”) | coping, family, friends (yours), partner, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, therapist, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping family friends-yours partner resilience self-care self-compassion therapist wellbeing | |
How much should you tell your friends and family? | Sharing your troubles with friends and family: what to do about your child’s reticence, and about people’s unhelpful reactions. | coping, family, friends (yours), grief, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, therapist, wellbeing (yours) | your-wellbeing | coping family friends-yours grief resilience self-care self-compassion therapist wellbeing | |
Family teamwork
| Partners and siblings | family-teamwork | |||
When parents disagree with each other | Never in front of your child. Request time to consult each other. | communication, couple, empathy, partner | family-teamwork | communication couple empathy partner | |
How to get my partner to do more | What might be stopping your paretner. How to use empathy, not fixing. | communication, couple, empathy, partner | family-teamwork | communication couple empathy partner | |
What's going on for the siblings? | How siblings feel and tips to make things easier for them | communication, empathy, siblings | family-teamwork | communication empathy siblings | |
How much can a distressed parent share with the siblings? | When your other children see you are upset, what could you say? | communication, empathy, siblings, wellbeing (yours) | family-teamwork | communication empathy siblings wellbeing | |
Hospital
| Tips, and what to expect while your child is in an inpatient (residential) program | hospital | |||
Is inpatient treatment a terrible thing? | While you might be horrified about your child going into hospital or a unit, here are more realistic expectations | Hope, hospital, medical | hospital | hope hospital medical | |
What kind of inpatient or hospital care is there? | Explaining the different types of higher level care: inpatient, residential and hospital care | hospital, medical | hospital | hospital medical | |
Why will they eat in hospital and not at home? | To reassure you that your child will manage to eat with skilled staff and why. | hospital | hospital | hospital | |
Is your child distressed or distant while inpatient? | Your child’s reactions, which are normal and will pass | aggression, anxiety, hospital, hostility, medical, rejection | hospital | aggression anxiety hospital hostility medical rejection | |
Make sure the hospital involves you | While your child is in hospital, be confident about your involvement: you are part of the team. | hospital | hospital | hospital | |
Will my child be fed by tube in hospital? | Why would they accept tube feeding, and when it’s done under restraint. | hospital, medical | hospital | hospital medical | |
Why your child might be scared of coming home from hospital | Your child needs to know they will be safe back home | hospital | hospital | hospital | |
My child plans to lose the weight gained in hospital, on their return home | What can you say when your child, in hospital, says they will lose all the weight they gained? | after weight-restoration, fat (your child's fears), hospital, weight | hospital | after-weight-restoration fat-fear hospital weight | |
How to make the transition from home to hospital work | How to prepare your child to succeed at home, while they’re still in hospital. | hospital | hospital | hospital | |
Home from hospital? Who’s making the decisions? | Preparing the return from hospital: whose rules and routines? | hospital | hospital | hospital | |
Tasks at home after weight-restoration in hospital | An overview of your role at home after weight-restoration : the small steps, the experimenting, the coaching | after weight-restoration, exposure, flexibility, normalisation, phase 2, relapse, social life | hospital | after-weight-restoration exposure flexibility normalisation coach-for-normality relapse social-life | |
Full recovery and relapse prevention
| Setting your child up for life-long wellbeing | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | |||
Before early discharge: a progress-continuation plan | If your child is discharged from treatment before full recovery, have a plan to continue progress | autonomy, intuitive eating, phase 2, phase 3, recovery, therapist | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | autonomy intuitive-eating coach-for-normality phase-3 recovery therapist | |
Expect wobbles and lapses, prevent relapse | Examples of lapses and how dealing with them prevents relapse | autonomy, recovery, relapse | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | autonomy recovery relapse | |
Is my child inevitably going to relapse? | Why you should expect complete recovery. Special attention to recovered pre-teens or early teens. | autonomy, recovery, relapse | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | autonomy recovery relapse | |
Empathy for you if you’re facing relapse | Very understandable ways that parents react to relapse, and how it’s different this time | recovery, relapse, self-care | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | recovery relapse self-care | |
My child might be relapsing: Wait? Discuss? | What might you say and do if you suspect your child is relapsing (but you’re not sure) | relapse | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | relapse | |
It’s a relapse – what should I do?? | If you’re sure, or almost sure, that your child is in relapse, actions you can take | relapse | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | relapse | |
Relapse prevention plan: lifestyle habits to remain in green zone | Why talking about relapse prevention matters. What lifestyle habits are needed to stay in a (green) safe zone. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, education, recovery, relapse, weight | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy education recovery relapse weight | |
Relapse prevention plan: orange and red higher risk zones | For a relapse prevention plan, discuss triggers and warning signs for yellow and red danger zones, and the action to take | after weight-restoration, autonomy, education, recovery, relapse, weight | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy education recovery relapse weight | |
Is my child ready to leave home (for college, university)? | Your child wants to leave home soon for a life of independence. How to assess what might be too soon? | after weight-restoration, autonomy, college, education, exercise, recovery, relapse, university, weight | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy college education exercise recovery relapse university weight | |
How can I prepare my child to leave home? | Is your child due to leave home, go to college or university? Here’s how you can get them ready and competent | after weight-restoration, autonomy, college, education, exercise, money, recovery, relapse, university, weight | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy college education exercise money recovery relapse university weight | |
Guardrails and college contracts when your child leaves home | Your child is leaving home for a life of independence. What should be in your plans or in a ready-for-college contract to assure safety and continued progress. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, college, education, exercise, recovery, relapse, university, weight | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy college education exercise recovery relapse university weight | |
How can I talk about relapse prevention and safety plans for leaving home? | Tips for conversations to prepare your child before they leave for college or become fully independent | after weight-restoration, autonomy, college, recovery, relapse, university, weight | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy college recovery relapse university weight | |
Prepare your child to be cool with money | An eating disorder can come with tension around spending money. How to help at least with food shopping. | autonomy, college, money, university | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | autonomy college money university | |
Prepare your child for loving relationships, intimacy and sex | The journey of some recovered adults with issues of intimacy, relationships, sex, consent | after weight-restoration, autonomy, body image, mind, psychology, self-esteem | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy body_image mind psychology self-esteem | |
Will I forever have to be vigilant about relapse? | An appropriate vigilance level in proportion to the risk. Enjoying life worry-free. | after weight-restoration, autonomy, recovery, relapse | 70-full-recovery-and-relapse-prevention | after-weight-restoration autonomy recovery relapse | |
Guided meditations
| Guided meditations | anxiety, calming, coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | 95-meditations | anxiety calming coping resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
8-minute guided compassion meditation | A short compassion meditation designed to improve your wellbeing, for instance ahead of a meal | anxiety, calming, coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | 95-meditations | anxiety calming coping resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing | |
27-minute guided compassion meditation – sleep version | A long compassion meditation that you can use to improve your emotional state, to learn the compassion process or to drift off to sleep | anxiety, calming, coping, resilience, self-care, self-compassion, thoughts (yours), wellbeing (yours) | 95-meditations | anxiety calming coping resilience self-care self-compassion thoughts wellbeing |