My book has, of course, a table of contents, but someone asked me for a more detailed one, to help them find sections they previously read. So here goes. Page numbers refer to the 2026 paperback (other versions will be reasonably similar).
I suggest you do a search (Ctrl-F) to help you find a bit you are looking for.
For the shorter table of contents, with links to pages on this website, click HERE.
Contents
How this book can help you 1
The practical and emotional tools parents are asking for 1
What you will get from this book 2
Is this book for you? 3
My credentials 4
A warning about taking advice 4
With a little help from my friends 5
How to use this book 5
Our story in less than two minutes 6
How does an eating disorder affect you and your child? 9
What it’s like for parents 9
What’s going on in your child’s mind? 11
What it’s like on the way to recovery 15
How the body interacts with thoughts and behaviours 16
Your part in diagnosis 20
Eating disorder or ‘just’ disordered eating? 20
What are the main eating disorders? 21
How bizarre is your child’s eating disorder? 23
Get the right medical tests and urgent intervention 24
‘Normal’ or ‘healthy’ weight: take it just as seriously 24
Keep the sense of urgency 25
Getting a referral for diagnosis and treatment 25
What to tell the doctor to get help fast 25
What you don’t want your child to hear from a doctor 26
While you’re waiting for a diagnosis and treatment 27
Treatment: the essentials 28
The road ahead 28
Your child’s increasing wellbeing: a visual guide 32
What is this method called? 33
Choose a family-based approach first 34
One size fits all? 35
When to treat co-occurring conditions 36
Adapting for autism spectrum disorder (ASD) 36
Expect full recovery 37
How long before my child is well again? 37
What parents need to know about the causes of eating disorders 40
Practical steps in a first phase of treatment 44
Take the lead on the things your child cannot manage 45
Will this treatment not ruin our relationship? 45
Food and love 46
Be a calming coach 46
Give your child ammunition against the eating disorder voice 46
Hear how your child speaks in code 47
Remove choices: the Magic Plate method 49
Tips for effective collaboration… or not 50
‘You’re making me fat!’ 52
What if my child doesn’t eat? 52
How long should we persist with a meal? 56
How much food? Which foods? 60
Target body weight 68
Weighing your child 75
Bodychecking and fat talk 78
Hiding food and lying 79
Eating rituals 79
Exercising, moving and standing 80
School 83
Bedtime 86
Purging and bathroom visits 87
Bingeing 89
Post-meal anxiety 91
Running away 92
Self-harm and suicidality 92
Being cold 93
OCD, obsessions and compulsions 93
Clothes 94
Protection from the internet 95
Baking, recipes and images of food 95
Protect your child from triggers 96
Motivational conversations: not helpful 96
How to be nimble, make U-turns and still be a rock 96
Work and your other children 97
Your self-care 97
Get ready to start treatment 98
Conclusion: parents take the lead 101
How can you get your child to eat in spite of the eating disorder? 102
The great bungee-jump thought experiment 102
Planning the challenge 103
Logic doesn’t work 104
Education: the dinner table is not a lecture hall 105
Eating prompts work best 105
Conversation topics: pick with care 105
Distraction: a firm favourite 106
Reassurance: surprisingly not reassuring 106
* Pause for self-connection * 107
Calming skills 107
Trust me, I’m an expert 108
Shock tactics: short-lived gains, high costs 108
Shouting, intimidating, blaming: counterproductive 109
Carrot and stick 110
Visualisation: access to inner resources 113
Praise: complex and risky 113
‘It’s your medicine’: worth a go 114
Lost your temper? Repair and resume 115
Teamwork: have a break, make a graceful exit 115
Containment: stay close 116
Humour: the best relaxant 117
Be interested in feelings 117
Empathy: listen and reflect with kindness 118
* Pause for self-connection * 120
Hostile language: what is your child really saying? 120
Mirroring: model calm confidence and de-escalate 121
Defusing fear: remove the fear of fear 122
Notice indicators of progress 122
Wait a few minutes 123
How long should you persist? 123
Focus on the current step in the present moment 124
Let your Child save face and maintain some dignity 125
All singing from the same hymn sheet 126
Give unconditional love 127
Putting it all together 127
See the tools in action: mealtime scenarios 129
What to say, and what not to say when you are supporting your child to eat 129
Be a fly on the wall: a lunchtime scenario 137
Free your child of fears and rules with exposure 155
Extinguishing fears, returning to flexibility 155
The safety-seeking behaviours our children cling to 155
How exposure works 156
When is a good time to challenge a safety behaviour? 156
Weight gain isn’t enough 157
List those fears 157
Should you collaborate with your child? 158
‘Why are you torturing me with ice cream?’ 159
Should your child feel the fear or be soothed? 160
Pick an item from the list 161
What does your child actually fear? Target that 161
Example: from packaged food at home to eating anything anywhere 163
Gradual steps, or dive in? 165
Ideas to make the steps gradual 166
Watch out for compensatory behaviours 167
Repeat and vary 167
A flowchart to guide your exposure work 168
When your child doesn’t manage 169
Moving through the exposure list 170
Forewarn or surprise? 171
Your persistence 171
Success breeds success 172
Will exposure work fix everything? 172
When can exhausted parents take a break? 173
The work towards full recovery and independence 174
Steps to independence and total recovery 174
When does ‘Phase 2’ begin? 174
It’s not a cliff edge 175
A risk management framework 175
Healing your child’s mindset 178
Tailor the pace to your child 179
Watch out for these issues 183
Progressing through school 187
Re-introducing exercise 188
Activities 191
Holidays and school trips: risky or beneficial? 192
Food and freedom after weight recovery 193
Addressing depression, OCD and other anxiety disorders 199
Trauma, grief and re-engaging with life 200
Normal teenage behaviour or eating disorder? 200
Body image may still be poor 201
Slips and lapses 201
Events that rock the boat 201
Dealing with relapse 202
Relapse prevention, plans and contracts 204
Prepare your child to leave home 205
Safeguards as your child leaves the nest 206
Confidence and realism as we aim for complete recovery 208
Partners, friends, family and work: help or hindrance? 211
The logistics: how can you care for your child and attend to your other commitments? 211
Single parents 212
Your spouse or partner 213
Siblings 217
Prevention for your other children 218
Family and friends: how to make good use of them 219
Links with other parents in the same boat 223
Work and money 224
Which treatments work? 226
The parent’s quest for good treatment 226
Eating disorder treatments that are likely to cause harm 227
The best evidence-based treatment 229
Principles validated by research 229
Family therapies: they’re not all the same 230
Family therapy: the first line of treatment for children and teens with anorexia and bulimia 231
Individual therapies 233
How to identify effective treatment providers 236
When you disagree with your clinicians 241
Should you drop unhelpful treatment? 242
No good treatment locally? 242
Family treatment the DIY way 243
Parent-coaching, home support and day treatment 243
Hospitals and eating disorder units 244
Parents and clinicians in partnership 249
Individual psychotherapy: precautions 254
Therapy, coaching and emotional support for parents 258
Powerful tools for wellbeing and compassionate connection 261
‘I’m sorry, and I love you’ 262
Silent empathy 263
Connect before you Direct 264
Keep tracking 265
Keep checking: use question marks 266
Keep your ‘but’ out of it 267
Open question or empathy guess? 268
More tools to help you connect 269
Kindness 269
Be interested: ‘Yes!’ and repeat 270
Guess deeper: feelings and needs 270
Be interested: feelings 271
Be interested: what are the deep needs? 274
Be interested: make use of the chatterbox 277
You’re so patronising! You’re speaking weird 278
Validate feelings and needs 278
And now at last, ‘Direct’! 280
How to express yourself effectively 281
Self-compassion 286
Get compassion from others too 291
When to do self-compassion 291
What if the feelings are overwhelming? 292
Examples of self-compassion 292
Onwards 293
Love, no matter what: how to support your child with compassionate communication 294
Food is medicine, and love is life 294
Unconditional love and acceptance 295
Judgemental thoughts: my story 298
She loves you, even when she loves you not 300
What to do with your child’s anger 304
Is your child’s anger better out than in? 305
Is your own anger better out than in? 306
It’s not about you (even when she’s mad at you) 307
Punishment, sanctions, consequences and ultimatums 307
Rewards and incentives can backfire 310
How to be effective 312
Dealing with aggression 320
‘Am I fat?’ How to respond 323
Hysterics, panic attacks and extreme anguish 333
Comfort and reassurance: what works and what doesn’t 335
Activities and time together 340
Nurturing your child’s wellbeing 341
The power of your relationship 348
Personality traits that help and hinder 350
Sick, mad, bad? What’s the story about your child? 351
Mending, apologising, and regrets 354
Influencers and reading materials for your child: take care 359
How to build up your own resilience and wellbeing 361
My search for new ways to deal with adversity 362
Get to know what sustains you 362
Self-compassion 364
Distraction 365
Turn Glimmers into glows: notice and Soak in the good 365
Use your body to trick your mind 366
Good-enough Zen, or five percent better 366
Coping moment by moment 367
Being in the moment 367
Choose where you put your attention 368
Deep questions 368
Imagery to help you get grounded and peaceful 369
Mindfulness 370
Acceptance: work with reality, not against it 371
Trust that you have resources 376
What to do with fear 379
After the illness: will you be well? 381
Mistakes, blame and self-acceptance 382
Sadness, grief and … joy 385
Writing a diary: self-help or rumination? 386
Helper’s high 387
An attitude of gratitude 387
Joy 389
Contents
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