Detailed table of contents with page numbers

My book has, of course, a table of contents, but someone asked me for a more detailed one, to help them find sections they previously read. So here goes. Page numbers refer to the 2025 paperback (other versions will be reasonably similar).

I suggest you do a search (Ctrl-F) to help you find a bit you are looking for.

For the shorter table of contents, with links to pages on this website, click HERE.

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Contents

How this book can help you – Page 1

The practical and emotional tools parents are asking for 1
What you will get from this book 2
Is this book for you? 3
My credentials 4
A warning about taking advice 4
With a little help from my friends 5
How to use this book 5
Our story in less than two minutes 6

How does an eating disorder affect you and your child? 8

What it’s like for parents 8
What’s going on in your child’s mind? 10
What it’s like on the way to recovery 15
How the body interacts with thoughts and behaviours 16

Your part in diagnosis 19

Eating disorder or ‘just’ disordered eating? 19
What are the main eating disorders? 20
‘Normal’ or ‘healthy’ weight: just as ill 22
How bizarre is your child’s eating disorder? 23
Keep the sense of urgency 23
Get the right medical tests and urgent intervention 24
Getting a referral for diagnosis and treatment 24
What to tell the doctor to get help fast 24
What you don’t want your child to hear from a doctor 25
While you’re waiting for a diagnosis and treatment 26

Treatment: the essentials 27

The road ahead 27
Your child’s increasing wellbeing: a visual guide 31
What is this method called? 32
Choose a family-based approach first 33
One size fits all? 34
When to treat co-occurring disorders 35
Adapting for autism spectrum disorder (ASD) 35
Expect full recovery 36
How long before my child is well again? 36

What parents need to know about the causes of eating disorders 39

Practical steps in a first phase of treatment 43

Take the lead on the things your child cannot manage 44
Will this treatment not ruin our relationship? 45
Food and love 45
Be a calming coach 45
Give your child ammunition against the eating disorder voice 45
Hear how your child speaks in code 46
Remove choices: the Magic Plate method 48
Tips for effective collaboration… or not 49
‘You’re making me fat!’ 51
What if my child doesn’t eat? 51
How long should we persist with a meal? 55
How much food? Which foods? 60
Target body weight 67
Weighing your child 74
Bodychecking and fat talk 77
Hiding food and lying 77
Eating rituals 78
Exercising, moving and standing 79
School 82
Bedtime 85
Purging and bathroom visits 86
Bingeing 88
Post-meal anxiety 91
Running away 91
Self-harm and suicidality 91
Being cold 92
Compulsive behaviours 93
Clothes 93
Protection from the internet 94
Baking, recipes and images of food 95
Protect your child from triggers 95
Your self-care 95
Plan how you will start treatment 96
Conclusion: parents take the lead 100

How do you get your child to eat in spite of the eating disorder? 101

The great bungee-jump thought experiment 101
Planning the challenge 103
Logic doesn’t work 103
Education: the dinner table is not a lecture hall 104
Eating prompts work best 104
Conversation topics: pick with care 105
Distraction: a firm favourite 105
Reassurance: surprisingly not reassuring 105

Pause for self-connection * 106
Calming skills 106
Trust me, I’m an expert 107
Shock tactics: short-lived gains, high costs 108
Shouting, intimidating, blaming: counterproductive 109
Carrot and stick 110
Visualisation: access to inner resources 112
Praise: complex and risky 112
‘It’s your medicine’: worth a go 113
Lost your temper? Repair and resume 114
Teamwork: have a break, make a graceful exit 114
Containment: stay close 115
Humour: the best relaxant 116
Be interested in feelings 116
Empathy: listen and reflect with kindness 117

Pause for self-connection * 119
Hostile language: what is your child really saying? 119
Mirroring: model calm confidence and de-escalate 120
Defusing fear: remove the fear of fear 121
Notice indicators of progress 121
Wait a few minutes 122
How long should you persist? 123
Focus on the current step in the present moment 123
Let your kid save face and maintain some dignity 124
All singing from the same hymn sheet 125
Giving uncritical acceptance 126
Putting it all together 126

See the tools in action: mealtime scenarios 128

What to say, and what not to say when you are supporting your child to eat 128

Be a fly on the wall: a lunchtime scenario 136

Free your child of fears and rules with exposure 154

Extinguishing fears, returning to flexibility 154
The safety-seeking behaviours our children cling to 154
How exposure works 155
When is a good time to challenge a safety behaviour? 155
Weight gain isn’t enough 156
List those fears 157
Should you collaborate with your child? 157
‘Why are you torturing me with ice cream?’ 158
Should your child feel the fear or be soothed? 159
Pick an item from the list 160
What does your child actually fear? Target that 161
Example: from packaged food at home to eating anything anywhere 162
Gradual steps, or dive in? 164
Ideas to make the steps gradual 165
Watch out for compensatory behaviours 166
Repeat and vary 166
A flowchart to guide your exposure work 167
When your child doesn’t manage 168
Moving through the exposure list 169
Forewarn or surprise? 170
Your persistence 170
Success breeds success 171
Will exposure work fix everything? 171
When can exhausted parents take a break? 172

The work towards full recovery and independence 173

Steps to independence and total recovery 173
When does ‘Phase 2’ begin? 173
It’s not a cliff edge 174
A risk management framework 174
Healing your child’s mindset 177
Invidualise the pace to your child 178
Watch out for these issues 183
Progressing through school 186
Re-introducing exercise 187
Activities 190
Holidays and school trips: risky or beneficial? 191
Food and freedom after weight-recovery 192
Addressing depression, OCD and other anxiety disorders 199
Trauma, grief and re-engaging with life 199
Normal teenage behaviour or eating disorder? 200
Body image may still be poor 200
Dealing with relapse 200
Events that rock the boat 202
Flu and stomach bugs 203
Relapse prevention, plans and contracts 203
Prepare your child to leave home 205
Safeguards as your child leaves the nest 205
Is there such a thing as total recovery? 206
Will parents always have to worry? 208

Partners, friends, family and work: help or hindrance? 210

The logistics: how can you care for your child and attend to your other commitments? 210
Single parents 211
Your spouse or partner 212
Siblings 216
Prevention for your other children 217
Family and friends: how to make good use of them 219
Links with other parents in the same boat 223
Work and money 223

Which treatments work? 225

The parent’s quest for good treatment 225
Eating disorder treatments that are likely to cause harm 226
The best evidence-based treatment 228
Principles validated by research 228
Family therapies: they’re not all the same 228
Family therapy: the first line of treatment for children and teens with anorexia and bulimia 230
Individual therapies 232
How to identify effective treatment providers 235
When you disagree with your clinicians 240
Should you drop unhelpful treatment? 240
No good treatment locally? 241
Family treatment the DIY way 241
Parent-coaching, home support and day treatment 242
Hospitals and eating disorder units 242
Parents and clinicians in partnership 248
Individual psychotherapy: precautions 253
Therapy, coaching and emotional support for parents 257

Powerful tools for wellbeing and compassionate connection 260

‘I’m sorry, and I love you’ 261
Silent empathy 262
Connect before you Direct 263
Keep tracking 264
Keep checking: use question marks 265
Keep your ‘but’ out of it 266
Open question or empathy guess? 267
More tools to help you connect 268
Kindness 268
Be interested: ‘Yes!’ and repeat 269
Guess deeper: feelings and needs 269
Be interested: feelings 270
Be interested: what are the deep needs? 273
Be interested: make use of the chatterbox 275
You’re so patronising! You’re speaking weird 276
Validate feelings and needs 277
And now at last, ‘Direct’! 279
How to express yourself effectively 281
Self-compassion 285
Get compassion from others too 290
When to do self-compassion 290
What if the feelings are overwhelming? 291
Examples of self-compassion 291
Onwards 292

Love, no matter what: how to support your child with compassionate communication 295

Food is medicine, and love is life 293
Unconditional love and acceptance 294
Judgemental thoughts: my story 297
She loves you, even when she loves you not 299
What to do with your child’s anger 304
Is your child’s anger better out than in? 304
Is your own anger better out than in? 305
It’s not about you (even when she’s mad at you) 306
Punishment, sanctions, consequences and ultimatums 307
Rewards and incentives can backfire 309
How to be effective 311
Dealing with aggression 319
‘Am I fat?’ How to respond 323
Hysterics, panic attacks and extreme anguish 332
Comfort and reassurance: what works and what doesn’t 335
Nurturing your child’s wellbeing 339
Personality traits that help and hinder 348
The power of your relationship 349
Sick, mad, bad? What story are you telling? 350
Mending, apologising, and regrets 353
Influencers and reading materials for your child: take care 359

How to build up your own resilience and wellbeing 359

My search for new ways to deal with adversity 361
Get to know what sustains you 361
Self-compassion 363
Distraction 364
Glimmers and glows: notice and Soak in the good 364
Use your body to trick your mind 365
Good-enough Zen, or five percent better 365
Coping moment by moment 366
Being in the moment 366
Choose where you put your attention 367
Deep questions 367
Imagery to help you get grounded and peaceful 368
Mindfulness 369
Acceptance: work with reality, not against it 370
Trust that you have resources 375
What to do with fear 378
After the illness: will you be well? 380
Mistakes, blame and self-acceptance 382
Sadness, grief and … joy 385
Writing a diary: self-help or rumination? 385
Helper’s high 386
An attitude of gratitude 386
Joy 388

Thank you 391

Resources 391

Endnotes 392