Lily’s swift recovery from anorexia – a mother’s uplifting story

Is your child at the start of treatment?

This page is for you if you're rather new to eating disorder treatment. Perhaps you've just begun to notice your child restricting food or over-exercising. I want to share a real recovery story from a family who stood right where you are now. I've deliberately picked a very positive one. And I am starting with the happy ending.

Hopeful recovery stories are real — and needed

When a child is diagnosed with an eating disorder, parents need hope. That's what this page is about.

You may have read memoirs or joined support groups where you're warned to prepare for a long, exhausting road ahead. These accounts are valid, and they reflect real suffering. And… there's a natural bias: families whose child recovers swiftly from an eating disorder tend not to hang around to share their stories. Their life has moved on. Happily.

That's why I'm sharing a story that leans towards the positive. It's a recovery story of early diagnosis, excellent treatment providers, and swift success (collated with the family's permission and names changed).

A message of strength for families starting eating disorder treatment

If you're at the start of family-based treatment (FBT), or if you're only starting to learn how to support your child through eating-disorder therapy at home, then I hope this recovery story brings you strength. It's about Lily, 12 years old, but the big concepts apply to anyone getting support from their parents.

Your own journey will be different (more in my notes at the bottom). Naturally, you will be wondering how long it will take for your child to recover (some pointers in Chapter 4 of my book). All you can do is to plant your apple tree now. Nurture it. Keep learning and put in the work. Hold on to the vision of flourishing.

Here it the story, in reverse order. Treatment and refeeding began just three months earlier, on 20 September. Scroll to the bottom for the start of the story, and for my notes and helpful links.

---

31 December: What an achievement!

Melissa (mother)

We had the best Christmas ever, Lily having a second serve of dessert and telling everyone, "This is my second dessert!" All the family smiled and we felt an amazing sense of achievement in that moment.

Every day we live like we won the lottery.

15 December: Treatment ends – happiest girl in the world

Remember, we're telling this story in reverse chronological order.

Melissa

Our last eating disorder appointment today — they just want us to see our GP and local psychologist monthly. The psychologist said not all need therapy, so hoping Lily is one of them but we will still continue. (Update: it turned out Lily didn't need to continue with a psychologist)

The psychiatrist was impressed with the quick turnaround for Lily, commenting that she will be one of his memorable ones. (Not sure too many would have called him "a bald-headed, so- called professional"!).

We said it was your book that guided us and gave us the strength, dedication, and determination to beat it. He also commented how great your resources are to families. Thank you again and again, forever grateful.

Lily has gained all the weight she'd lost, plus a little more. She looks amazing.

She is the happiest girl in the world and can't wait to start year 7! We never thought we would be here!

30 November: Lily is 100% back!

We are so confident in full recovery with Lily. Lily is back 100%.

Lily said, 'I don't know why I wanted to be skinny, skinny is ugly. I love my body.'

I remember reading the options in your book about how they feel about their body. I never imagined she would say that.

Thank you again for your thumbs up on the puppy idea. Lily said, 'This is the best Christmas present I have ever got, I just love her!'

29 November: Lily returns to school

It's been the right thing not to rush Lily's return to school. We waited until she was eating meals at home without a fuss. We knew it was the right time when she was grabbing food from the pantry and suggesting pizza for tea.

More on returning to school [Click]

In the lead up to her return, we consulted with Lily's teacher, we let them know the plan and made sure the story was consistent in case kids asked why Lily hasn't been at school. We didn't want a flare up of anxiety from kids' comments.

I felt a wave of anxiety that week when it was time to send Lily to school. I wasn't sure what to do or say about lunch. In the end, I made it a bit of fun, by bringing in the new puppy to meet her friends. All the girls were laughing, and soon enough lunch was eaten without a fuss. I did this for the first week.

28 November: Can we move to Phase 2 independence?

Melissa explains how they gradually returned Lily to her normal life back. This is Phase 2 of FBT [Click]

I recall asking our psychologist if Lily was ready to transition into Phase 2. The answer was always No, at the start. We wanted to move to Phase 2 so things would move faster in her recovery.

However our psychologist said it's not to be rushed and would happen naturally. They were right.

In order for Lily to move into Phase 2, she needed to regain all the the weight back, have no food refusal, and begin to grab items on her own accord from the cupboard or fridge. It would be a transition process. Also there would be no fighting weight gains or reactions to scales.

We noticed subtle changes with this, and on 29 October, Lily wanted to prove to us that she was well and the ED was gone, and she requested pizza. We observed her eat 3 bits of pizza and consume a creamy soda. We were we on high alert during this in case she was testing us. But Lily felt good after it, and so did we.

I would always go into the bedroom to consult after a meal to ensure she wasn't having any negative feelings.

Gradually Lily become independent with food, and she would make her own breakfast and lunch. I would prepare tea because that's normal for a 12-year old. I was still observing and I must say I spent hours at her door listening to ensure she never vomited or cried.

I remember suggesting that there were bags of chips if she wanted to get some, that way she would get them herself.

We knew when Lily's personality returned and her love for food was fully back that we were in Phase 2 and heading in a good direction. (Later: We remained in Phase 2 for a couple of months until we were confident we won the battle.)

27 November: We got there so fast — will it last?

Melissa

I am still off work to monitor Lily at home.

Lily has been eating McDonald's, KFC and having second serves and dessert. She is in a good space, however getting here was fast, so that's always at the back of my mind.

Eva

I imagine your puppy is bringing HUGE excitement to the whole family! Enjoy!

Don't worry about the speed of progress you've made. It's a good thing. The Lock/Le Grange studies of Family-Based Treatment (FBT) were initially one year, and then they studied if they could shorten each of the 3 phases so the whole thing was done in 6 months, and the results were just as good.

Add to that numerous studies showing that rapid weight gain and recovery are predictors of total recovery…

You've done good!

So…. enjoy the adorable puppy!

26 November: The puppy's arrived!

The puppy arrived today! Lily has played mum and is protective of her.

25 November: Discharge soon

Melissa

Signing off Eva! One last thank you for your amazing support! You are just incredible❤️

Lily has 2 appointments left at CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) in December then she is done. They want us to continue to see our local psychologist monthly and get weekly weigh-ins.

I wish you and your family all the best, and Merry Christmas! Because of you, Lily and our extended family will have an Amazing Christmas this year! I will be forever grateful.

Eva

What a celebratory note! I am delighted. I was looking back at your first email to me and your determination was there, even though things were quite horrible.

Since you're getting discharged, I want to make sure you're aware of some of the 'art' of tapering off. Chapters 9 and 10 of my book, or I attach a Bitesize audio now: 'The work after weight restoration'. So many people are not made aware, with all the focus on weight restoration, I'd feel bad if you didn't know.

19 November: The old Lily is back!

It's like she is back, the old Lily.

PS. You have saved me going to therapy!

18 November: Lily has forgiven us

Lily has forgiven us and is currently watching a movie in the lounge room with all the family. It's her first movie, and her first time with the family, in 3 months.

Up to now, she would go straight to her room after all meals and not come out all day, and she would not speak to us when we talk to her, no words. But we always continued to act normal and be happy around her.

What a turnaround!!

17 November: Periods have returned

Sitting outside with my husband last night having a glass of wine to celebrate the RETURN OF THE MENSES!!!!!!! (The last one was mid-July)

My husband said to me, Eva's book saved us. I said it certainly did. Thank you again and again.❤️

She still has some weight to regain to catch up on all she lost.

We ran into the school principal at the supermarket. Funny thing, we are the first case they have come across at the school. I said it would be a kept secret for a lot of families.

I said I would buy a copy of your book and donate it to the school. The principal also had many questions on "what to look out for".

Eva

Hurray for the menses! I will celebrate with a cup of tea and one of my excellent home-made chocolate truffles.

I have this page for your principal, on what schools should look out for. It's in a 'schools' series that starts on this page.

Note for readers: refeeding started just under 2 months ago, around 20 September.

16 November: "I'm hungry!"

Lily said, "I'm hungry". You are dead right, I got more excited hearing this than watching her take her first steps!

13 November: "Rigid thinking"

We are going well. Some more generous weight gain last week. This week, some lesser gain.

The psychologist has indicated that Lily has 'rigid thinking' and that it's an autism trait. Funny because I skipped all autism info in your book. I will research this now. More time will be spent on this after we cover the anorexia first.

I wonder if minor autism has assisted this.

Puppy arrives in 2 weeks. Lily has enjoyed buying things for her.

Eva

Wow, good progress!

Autism… yes, maybe… Glad that experts are considering it… Not much in my book, as it would have got far too long, especially as a tip that works for one kid can be dreadful for another kid.

But I've collected lots on this page of my website.

Autism or not, what you're doing is working, hurray!

4 November: Chips, happy moments… and what about a puppy?

I remembered in your book you bought a puppy, I can't remember what age your daughter was, and what stage in recovery? We have a dog, but Lily has wanted another puppy for ages, I think it's time.

Generous weight gain again last week. Before the weigh-in, Lily told the psychologist she "doesn't want to see her ugly head again" (ED talking, I know). Just a few tears, then she went trick-or-treating with friends and ate lollies!

Family lunch at the pub yesterday to enjoy a parma, chips and salad! Big step for us! The ED still rears its head, sometimes, and I lose confidence but overall ok.

Today Lily and her brother are on an outing with the grandparents. Lily looks so happy! No-one would know!

She still doesn't talk to us, I don't think she will until the ED has fully given up.

Eva

You're doing well! Chips was a massive difficulty for my girl.

About getting a puppy [Click]

We got a puppy when she was pretty well — weight restored, had done a lot of exposure to fear foods and fear situations. I THINK we might have had a tough chips refusal precisely on the journey to get the puppy, so all the work hadn't yet been done… I think.

The main thing was that the search online for the right breed, and then where to get it, was HUGE fun. For weeks, it gave her a project for after school. Lots of looking at puppy images, and me joining in an awwwww-ing together.

The puppy did freak her out at times (she was age 12) with all the nipping. Can't remember details. Some nastiness or "The dog doesn't love me anyway, so I don't care" seems quite common while a child/teen is very ill. i.e. in the same way as they reject us parents and isolate themselves.

But probably beneficial overall: watching lots of dog training Youtubes (Kikopup) using positive methods, clicker training. Good, absorbing distraction. And I can't help thinking that she made a link between the exposure methods that are so clearly outlined in dogs (repetition, buildup, generalisation, no punishment) and what was happening for her.

I can certainly recall other parents saying the new dog (as well as any current dogs) was a great asset!

29 October: Anxiety was holding me back

We had pizza last night, Lily ate 3 pieces and a cup of creamy soda.

When the psychologist said to me on Monday 'Parents hold back sometimes due to their anxiety', I knew she was right, I was holding back.

At the start of treatment I wasn't too fond of our psychologist. As time went on, I was challenged, this is important. Lily hates the psychologist, because she challenges the ED with her.

… and who to tell

We have advised people that Lily is going through a health issue that she is working through.

More on who to tell [Click]

I think her brother said to some students it was long covid at the start. The teacher has offered to come over for a coffee before Lily returns to school to discuss the story. That's if she returns this term at all. I still worry about the day she returns, I do feel students will be supportive. I have been very selective of whom I have told.

Lily has told her best friend she had an eating disorder. I googled to see if this was a good idea but couldn't find anything on this, and the psychologist always says it's the parents' decision but was in favor. We were worried it was too soon to have a friend over at this stage in her recovery but it was the great move. She now has someone to confide in, I feel the loneliness would have lifted.

You should be so proud of your book, it's brilliant Eva!!! I really don't know what we would have done without it, I have read some chapters 3 times over.

Eva

Amazing! You never cease to amaze me! Great progress.

My daughter's boyfriend once gifted her a gym membership and we agreed she'd tell him, "Thank you but I won't be using it for a while as I currently have an issue with metabolism/I need a metabolic disorder to settle down." Something like that. Sometimes I've used the words 'difficulty with food/eating'.

I do have a Bitesize audio and something in my book on when parents want to tell people — thinking in terms of circles of trust/intimacy.

28 October: I'm low but determined: first ice cream

I actually feel I handled the earlier days better than now, it's all kind of caught up. I'm reading chapter 15 of your book again, I think I wasn't in the right head space when I read it the first time.

Lily has been somewhat communicating in the last 24hrs. She has recognised she had anorexia at the start but has assured us she doesn't have it anymore.

So I ripped the band aid off this afternoon and gave her some ice cream and chocolate. She scoffed it down. I can't keep up with this, things are changing all the time. I think she is doing this so she doesn't have to put anymore weight on.

Eva

Wow Melissa, you are driving that recovery with great thought and determination. Ice cream, hey!

At this stage, her motivation to scoff it doesn't hugely matter (I think). It's still exposure, and calories. Reminds me of my daughter resentfully saying, "I'm only eating because of YOU!" and really that's fine in the early days.

Well done, and do get lots of yummy things for yourself, as much as is possible — I will be very glad if something in Chapter 15 rings a bell for you, something do-able that will help top up your wellbeing.

26 October: Storm is over – Lily eats

We rode the wave, applying the calming techniques from your book and Bitesize audios. So the storm has been short-lived and we are now in a much better position.

The weight stabilised for 2 weeks and then we measured another decent weight gain. This time Lily's reaction wasn't on that level of intensity. I seriously feel the Fluoxetine (started over 6 weeks ago) made all the difference.

Lily has lost the rage and anger and seems more in tune with herself. I can see the ED controls are lessening and her true self is gaining some control back. No pushback on meals, just eats and goes back to her room.

She isolates herself, staying in her room for 90% of the time. She is off school.

We still need to introduce fear food – pizza, sweets etc but will hold off.

Since we binned the treadmill, all exercise has stopped, she has to rest.

She still hates us to the core and is not communicating at all. We still say "We love you" to her multiple times of the day. I feel we can breathe for a moment.

She is off to the show today with the grandparents, loves to get out when she can, and had a friend over. I listen at the door.

Eva's response [Click]

Super well done for the good weight gain. It all makes me think you are brave and determined and doing this with great info and care. A decade or two ago, it could have taken 1 to 20 years to get to where you are now. (One year, in my case).

And yes, I'm with you that it's not super-urgent to push many fear foods yet. She's already having to muster huge courage at every big meal and weighing.

I'm also really glad to read how you somehow coped with the exorcist days, and she coped with (seeing or feeling) a weight gain that she'd interpret as exponential… and then some relative calm returned. Well done all of you. I hope your husband, after feeling broken, can feel the pride and agency from having achieved a life-saving task that not everyone has the balls for. Maybe check out my YouTube "The hero's journey".

What you describe is all pretty common at the start of refeeding, and also of the rapid decline before one starts treatment (it's like an express train when they're very young). While you've lived some horrors, you're also seeing the benefits of rapid and skilled intervention. She's going to keep making progress, and gradually she'll reconnect with you too.

I'm heartened to read that she can enjoy friends and outings, as sometimes our children become quite shut down. It's OK that she's shutting you guys out, that can be her little piece of protest, how she copes with all the contradictions in her mind, and that will change.

6 October: Scenes from The Exorcist

It just baffles me the amount of damage the restriction and exercise can do in the short timeframe before we intervened.

We are 14 days into refeeding, and we got a generous weight gain. Seeing this stretched Lily's mental health to its limit.

Spitting in our face, pulling hair, throwing punches & chairs into walls. What looked like a scene from the Exorcist – not wrong. My husbands words: 'I'm broken'.

This was after we had met the psychiatrist. Lily referred to him as a 'so called professional with a balding forehead'.

The professionals are excellent. They challenge us with calories etc, though clearly, the work is done by the parents.

29 September: "You ruined my life!"

Firstly, I wanted to thank you for your excellent book, we have applied many strategies and feel we have reached a good position in terms of 3 meals, 2 snacks per day without waiting times. Our daughter eats a porterhouse steak and bread for lunch daily in addition to what we eat, plus more.

Prior to this, it was 1 hr to get 5 mouthfuls. It all then changed in week. I think all the doctor appointments scared her to death.

She had lost weight very fast.

We understand this could hang on for 6 month or even 1-2 years but have the patience to beat it and will.

My question to you is – do they forgive down the track? The moods are all directed at my husband and myself. All we get is "I hate you"; "You ruined my life"; "I worked so hard to get the weight off"; "Don't talk to me"; "Fuck off".

At night I brush her hair but I'm not allowed to talk to her, we try make jokes and we get smirks but then mood changes abruptly.

She now wants to stay in her room on her phone.

We have a family psychologist appointment tomorrow so will hopefully get some more clarity and a psychiatrist appointment as well, so we have fortunate to have the support.

Eva's response [Click]

Dear Melissa
I'm glad to assure you and your husband that yes, they very much return to a wonderful loving connection later on. You may get glimpses of it occasionally before she's well.

What you described happened with us, and to many other parents. It's classic. It happens with Family-Based Treatment (FBT) because we make our children eat but… hearing the stories of adults who did not have this kind of treatment as teens, they still were horrible to their parents!

Since you have my book, I have a section on all this in Chapter 14.
I also attach one of several audios from my Bitesize audio collection, in case it helps you to hear one aspect of it.

I believe that the most exhausted parents are the ones who receive a lot of constant hostility (as I did at times) so in Chapter 15 and in my Bitesize audios I emphasize ways to attend to topping up your own wellbeing. We are not robots! It hurts, and we miss that bond with our children…

"I worked so hard to get the weight off" is a good example where an empathy response could help — again, Chapter 14, has a section on "I'm so fat!" that might help you.

Our daughter is 25 and has been truly delightful with us for many years now — in contrast to the anorexia period. I wouldn't even use the word 'forgive'. She insists we did nothing wrong. I do ask her to bring up any memories she might want to clear with us, but I think she genuinely has forgotten a lot (which I think is typical). And there's no unconscious nastiness or resentment, none that I can detect.

Sometimes I think our lovely connection could be partly because we learned to connect while she was being horrible to us. We were careful to avoid retaliating, reacting… But on parent forums I see parents also saying that all is now well and wonderful, yet from their reports, it sounds to me like they dealt with refeeding etc in a rather punitive, unkind, 'warrior-like' way. I conclude from this that our children can feel our love, even when we're exasperated and clumsy — they're very resilient that way. That's the beauty of the parent-child bond.

A worry some psychologists can have, with us feeding etc, is that our children don't get to a healthy level of autonomy, and that's not the case either. You can expect your girl to grow in wisdom, to have great emotional management, to be independent, while also enjoying connection with you.

I hope this reassures you and gives you the confidence to continue.
Thank you for saying how my book has helped, I'm delighted!
And I'm celebrating all the things that are working — well done and it may it all continue.

Enjoy what the psychs can bring tomorrow.

Hugs
Eva

20 September: Refeeding started in earnest

We've been refeeding in earnest now.

We sit there for hours to get one mouthful of cereal, a piece of toast, or small dinner. Day by day increasing the amounts.

I think Lily can sense the fear in me. My husband doesn't seem the slightest bit afraid. He knows what needs to be done, he has the confidence and patience with her. He'll pick Lily up from her room, put her over his shoulder and carry her to the table for every meal. There are punches and bites but this helps her get to the table, so she doesn't have to make the decision.

Eva's note: I'm including this last bit because Melissa feels it was very helpful to carry Lily to the table. Most treatment providers would endorse that at this stage, most children benefit from having no choice, as it saves them from crippling guilt. But they would aim for parents to do this without the use of physical force.

20 September: The treadmill is in the skip

Melissa

My husband thought I was mad when I said to take the treadmill to the tip.

I think we did it in the nick of time, I could see it in Lily's face she wanted it gone too.

Eva

Wow, I love that you took the treadmill to the tip! I have spoken with parents who spend more time being ambivalent about their gym equipment. They think it's somehow good in moderation, and the problem drags on, as their child is nowhere close to managing moderation .

18 September: First appointment "Feed her!"

Our first meeting with the mental health team.

I'm not too fond of the psychologist. She is very direct, 'weight must be gained, no questions'.

We've been told we have to feed Lily, and no more exercise — she has to rest. Lily's recovery will start at home with refeeding.

And she must regain the weight she lost, as soon as possible. We feel unsure about that.

It feels mad! Hearing we need to refeed our daughter at home! We are in a world of panic. We don't have a degree in this field! We'd be prepared to pay any amount of money to have Lily put in a facility to recover.

But we're told the evidence is all for home feeding, so that's what we will do. My husband must be a team. We're both going on extended leave from work until further notice.

17 September: Extreme exercise, more weight loss

The issues have been escalating. Very limited eating under our watch. Extreme exercise. She runs further than ever on the treadmill, does sit-ups, star jumps, and lifts weights. She's lost as much in the last 2 weeks as she'd lost in August.

13 September: Anorexia is diagnosed

Straight after Lily was put on Fluoxetine, we got the first appointment available with a psychologist.

She diagnosed anorexia.

We never imagined that an eating disorder was haunting Lily inside, from a restricted diet and severe exercise regime that we were not aware of. We've been blindsided.

Eva's note: thanks to this psychologist, who was able to spot anorexia, Lily benefited from early intervention.

9 September: Fluoxetine antidepressant

The doctor been put Lily on Fluoxetine, to curb the sadness, hopelessness and panic attacks. Lily welcomed the help. The worst is that we may have to wait six weeks for it to show effects.

Lily's messages to her mum before the anorexia diagnosis [Click]

"You make it so much simpler than it is and before I get sad at something I get the same weird heart beat it beats super fast and I can't breath. You make it out like it's so easy to snap out of it but it's not.

You don't have to go to school with everyone thinking there better than you. I can't breath right now all because you are sending me of to netball training. I'm properly going to break out in tears at training and it will be super embarrassing all the girls will be there. And I know what you are going to say but its not that easy."

"I was really worried and sad this morning. And I'm still really sad and I kept having panic attacks all day and I felt sad all day"

25 August: Lily has a panic attack

Lily had her first panic attack in school.

In the last 2 weeks, she's been restricting more and more, and increasing her exercise: she does long runs on our treadmill, on top of school netball and footy.

11 August: Trouble starts, periods have stopped

Lily's diet has started to become rather limited, as she's into 'healthy eating'.

Her menses have stopped. Her last period was mid July.

July: Lily starts a 'healthy' lifestyle

Lily started some 'healthy eating' intermittently. Also some daily walks on the treadmill. I was getting fit with her.

June: All normal

We had a good family holiday. All is normal. Lily's weight might have risen noticeably.

---

Notes from Eva

About the rapid rate of progress

Click

I've chosen this story because it stands out as being rapid and relatively smooth. The challenges are rather like what's implied in the Family-Based Treatment (FBT) manual. First, the pre-treatment decline: Lily's food restriction, exercising and anxiety all sped up to an alarming level.

As treatment began and parents started the renourishment process, Lily's resistance shot up for a couple of weeks, and then things started to get a lot better. From there, it was all rapid progress.

It was so rapid that all you really notice in this story is Phase 1 of FBT — where parents take over decision-making. It looks like an age-appropriate Phase 2 happened without any trouble. (I highlight this because people tend to think FBT is only Phase 1).

Rapid intervention, and rapid weight regain, are well known to help. Lily's story might have been very different if the parents hadn't had such prompt access to education, to excellent professional support, and if they hadn't been offered Family-Based Treatment (FBT) as first-line treatment.

How unusual is it to see recovery within 3 months? I offer some indicators at the end of Chapter 4 of my book: see "How long before my child is well again?" In Chapter 12 I also outline results from The Lock/Le Grange studies of Family-Based Treatment (FBT) using 6 or 12-month interventions. I'll not go into details here: while those studies led to FBT becoming the recommended treatment for youngsters, don't use them as an oracle for your child: they're too small to account for the many individual variables presented by each child.

Which is why I say, plant the apple sapling, nurture it the best you can, with the best professionals you have access to. As with all the uncertainties life brings, we seek a 'both/and': the energy of hope and the resilience to accept what is, moment by moment.

About weight restoration

Click

There's always much uncertainty about what 'weight-restored' means — what weight does someone really need to support great physical and mental heath?

By the end of December, when Lily was well, physically and mentally, she'd recovered all the weight she'd lost after the summer holiday, plus a little more. (I'm deliberately withholding numbers, as these can be 'triggering' to readers with an eating disorder, and in any case, weight needs are individual.)

On 19 November, when Lily's period had just restarted, Melissa noted that while Lily hadn't yet recovered all the lost weight, "I think she is at a perfect weight now, she was carrying a bit of weight after the holiday."

Some people would have stopped the weight gain there. Yet in hindsight, Lily was not at a perfect weight in November. To her parents who'd seen her painfully underweight, clearly she looked great. But I'm guessing that an outsider might have guessed she was still underweight — I'm guessing that because a post-December photo I have of Lily shows a conventionally balanced body.

This all shows how precious it is when great professionals steer us parents. Clearly, continuing the weight gain has benefited Lily. With full weight recovery, she flourished mentally and she liked her body.

About the mental recovery

Click

Some people recover physically but the mental improvements take a lot longer. There's work to do on habits, rituals, fears and beliefs (Chapter 9 of my book, and a whole section of my Bitesize audio collection). In Lily's case, the parents saw she could cope with normalising food and eating out very early on. So by the time she was weight-restored, the behavioural work was already done — that's not the case for everyone.

Lily is also at a happier end of a continuum with respect to her body image. Liking your body can take a while. Lily panicked the first time the scales showed rapid weight gain, but after that she became increasingly OK about it, and by the time she was weight-restored, she liked her body.

A psychotherapist was scheduled to see Lily monthly after the specialised eating disorder treatment ended, and indeed, some people do need psychological work to address thoughts and anxieties that remain (or become more evident) once the eating disorder is mostly gone. Often, people improve without psychotherapy. I tend to think that time is a healer if it's used well: maintaining 'good' habits while forging a full and meaningful life.

In Lily's case, psychotherapy wasn't needed. Again, she is at the happier end of a continuum: regular meals, work on fear foods, weight recovery, her family's loving care and… a new puppy all got her to happiness.

About the fluoxetine antidepressant

Click

Lily was given Fluoxetine, an SSRI antidepressant, before her eating disorder diagnosis. Luckily, it one of a range of psychiatric medications that are sometimes indicated to help with eating disorder treatment. No meds cure anorexia, but they can reduce the mental distress during treatment, and maybe that's just what Fluoxetine did for Lily.

More on medications my FAQs page here.

Melissa says, "We got in early with the fluoxetine, and we did start to see changes and believe this helped in lily's recovery. At the end of her recovery (when her weight was recovered and the ED was gone) Lily reduced the dose.

About 'rigid thinking' and autism

Click

It's interesting that on 13 November, the professionals highlighted some 'rigid thinking' in Lily, and the possibility of autism. That was never mentioned again.

It's great progress that nowadays, autism is on the radar of eating disorder clinicians. Autism or not, the awareness serves as a reminder that treatment isn't a cookie-cutter affair. While Family-Based Treatment (FBT) may be interpreted as a one-size-fits all manualised procedure, it only should provide a broad framework, and parents bring the expertise on their child.

This story is also a good reminder that anorexia brings rigidity. I remember when my own daughter was 10, in hospital, feeling very cross because a psychologist — who hadn't ever talked to us — was insisting that 'black and white thinking' and rigidity were a problematic aspect of her nature. As her parents, we were clear that rigidity had appeared with the eating disorder, and indeed, it disappeared later.

If this story leaves you feeling sidelined because your situation is a lot harder

Click

If you've been going through tough times, I'm aware that this positive story might not be meeting your needs right now. You could be feeling excluded, unseen or failing.

You might be angry about a poor standard of treatment. This story takes place in Australia, where treatment services are, like everywhere, variable. I've posted tips to help you fight for change in various countries here.

Also, we parents can slip into feeling inadequate — somehow “less than” others. It's painful to watch helplessly as our children suffer.

You are doing the best you can with the genetic and environmental cards that life has dealt you and your child. And you'll continue to do your best, I know, because you are here on this website.

All my resources are designed to support you with practical and emotional support: my book, Bitesize audio collection, workshops, YouTube videos — and of course, this entire website. I created it all with you in mind, to walk alongside you no matter what stage you're at, or how tough things feel right now. I'm sending you all my love.

---

For more help

* Start here: find the information you need NOW * This will guide you, whatever stage you're at.

* FAQs *

Also: use the search box on this website. Or click on keyword links at the top of a page.

In her emails, Melissa often included appreciation for my book and my Bitesize audios. I left some of this on this page, at the risk of coming across as self-aggrandising, to pass on the hope that you too can find real help in there.

And sign up for a workshop for the stage you're at.